The smoker
Picture the scene: many moons ago, at an old man pub in Cheltenham.

I was chatting to an old man at said old man pub. He was a smoker, and damn proud of it.

The old man had a conspiracy theory about smoking. "Everyone's doing it wrong", said he.

"You have to draw it deep into your lungs. The problem is that everyone takes little drags, and it doesn't fully exercise all the lung muscles. If you can get it all out, then it's ok."

He was smoking those cigarettes without filters.

"The filters actually make it worse for you. Only the horrible shit gets through. You need the whole deal so your body can expel it properly."

Being a bit drunk, and a smoker at the time, I was almost won over by his argument.

"What if we've been just doing it wrong all this time?" I thought to myself.

Then, old smoking conspiracy man had the most elongated coughing fit I've ever experienced. It seemed to last hours. His whole theory went out of the window as quickly as the cigarette smoke.

I'm guessing he's dead by now. But if you believe in something that makes you feel happier about your disgusting, fatal habit, where's the harm? Other than the early death. And the years of horrible pain.
( krang, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 1:30, 2 replies)

If I just inject my smack directly into my heart...

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 8:38, closed)

He was smoking those cigarettes without filters.
God I miss Woodbines. Do they still make them?
(Big Smurf Brush me daddy-O, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 20:02, closed)