Sample my urine
I used to work as a reporter at a London tabloid. We had a steady stream of members of the public coming into reception with interesting stories to tell - or nutters as we called them.

The problem is that people caught up in a paranoid delusion are just as sincere as individuals who really have a story. You have to take each one seriously until you've worked out what you;'re dealing with.

When the Irishman came in, I was dispatched down to talk to him - being as how as I was the juniorest of the lowest of the newsroom low. It was obvious from the get-go that this chap was troubled.

Furtive yet insistent? Check.

Large dossier? Check.

Written in green ink? Check.

Unlikely tale of conspirational persecution? Check.In fact this poor guy believed he was the centre of a global conspiracy involving the police, Masons (of course) and - here's the key clue - psychiatric nurses.

The guy obviously sensed that I had my doubts because he leaned in close and pressed a small glass jar into my hand. It was wrapped in tatty kitchen roll and filled with a dark, dark green viscous liquid.

"What. Is. That?" I asked.

"It's a urine sample," he replied. "You can have it tested to prove I'm sane."

"I believe you're sane," I replied - handing back the jar.

To my shame I then told him that his was a very important story that obviously had roots in something deeper. I told him I'd make some calls and he was to phone me the next day and not to let anyone fob him off in case they were in on *it* too. The number I gave him was not mine but that of the biggest self-important wanker in the newsroom.

I then went on holiday for two weeks.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 11:33, 2 replies)

This is excellent,
And gets a click.
( Cawl, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 11:42, closed)

sane urine

well sir we've tested your piss and we are getting a reading ratio of 50 meganorms to the ultraquack, which is well within the average tolerances for normality...... we also noticed however, and I think you might want to sit down for this sir... but you're pregnant ! you must be sooo happy !


I love loonies
(The Cats Twat, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 12:07, closed)