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This is a question Training courses, seminars and conferences

Inspirational or a waste of precious slacking-off time? I once went on a buzzword bingo-laden training course which ended up with my being held at gunpoint in public. Could have gone better, to be honest. Tell us your tales from either side of the lectern

(, Thu 15 Mar 2012, 15:01)
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My Mrs had to train the Top Gear Presenters on how to use some vehicle tracking software.
At their office somewhere in the middle of some inner London BBC building. It was for some feature where Jeremy was going to race his new Jaguar against a train or plane or something from London to somewhere in Europe.

The 2 hour session comprised of 2 minutes showing May and Hammond how to log into the website, 30 minutes of them shouting abuse and insults over a speakerphone to Clarkson as he was clocked doing 120 in some place he really shouldn't and the rest sitting around watching the 2 of them take the piss out of eachother as they browsed various websites looking for which cars and motorbikes they were going to buy next.

When she came back she said with that sort of work ethic it's amazing they ever got an episode to air.

And she didn't bring me back an autograph.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 9:25, 7 replies)
If it takes two minutes to teach, why allocate two hours?
And more pertinently, what does your Mrs charge per hour?
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 10:49, closed)
It takes as long as it takes to train the features the client is interested in.
In their case it turned out to be simply how to log in and see where Jeremy is on a map and how fast he's going. That took about 2 minutes. For other clients she would then leave if it became apparent this is all they wanted, but why leave early when you're sitting with 2 of the 3 stars of Top Gear dicking around in an office?

Her rates? £150 per hour and an extra £50 for anal.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 10:59, closed)
Why would any clients want to log on to a website to see a satellite picture of your wife's arse?
And is it really visible from space?
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:42, closed)
It was a few years ago.
Before she went on some hardcore diet.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:03, closed)

For me the real surprise here is that they actually behave like that. I always assumed that most of the twatting around was put on for the camera. I, too, am amazed they manage to make any programmes.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 17:45, closed)
from experience
That's why it takes lots of people to make such a show. There are arty types who make sure it looks nice, tech types to make things work and catch it all on tape, a few researchers to make all of the arrangements, a couple of big-shots to shout and complain a lot and make everyone do their jobs, and the presenter/s can have a degree of input but generally just enjoy the experience and be entertaining / funny / pretty etc in front of the camera. Then there's the poor accountant in a gloomy office somewhere trying to make them all realise that they can't make avatar on a tellytubbies budget.

Guess which I was...
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 18:11, closed)
A Tellytubby

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 18:16, closed)

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