A few years back
I was going out with a girl who was tremendously filthy, but was also in RAF training. She'd swallowed the propaganda entirely, to the extent that when we walked past a Lib Dem election poster she hissed at it and angrily explained how they wanted to cut military funding. Our politics did not match.

Anyway, I went to a formal meal at her RAF base and it was quite an eye-opener. A bunch of otherwise intelligent people wearing ludicrously elaborate formal dress and making the sort of anti-foreigner statements that I'd previously assumed only belonged to Jeremy Kyle contestants.

I met a girl there who was closer to my views than any of the others (she'd come as her friend's +1), and we hit it off quite well. She had a guest room in the barracks and as we were quite drunk it didn't take long before we decided we should slope off for a sneaky shag.

In her room and we're both standing up against the wall, she's topless and I'm entirely naked by this point, and there's an angry-sounding barrage of knocks on the door. OH FUCK, the missus has come looking for me, and all of her friends are here, and all of her friends are psychotic paras.

So I scrambled trying to hide myself, first diving under the duvet but Rachel made it clear that this was not a good disguise. Being a military base there were not such things as en-suites or walk-in wardrobes, in fact the room was entirely square with nowhere to hide.

In a flash of inspiration, I realised that the window sill was about 18 inches wide, so I leapt up behind the curtain and stood there as Rachel answered the door.

"No, I haven't seen him, I was just getting changed", I heard as I cowered three feet up on the window sill.

Satisfied that I wasn't there, my midget right-winger fucked off.

Much to my distress, this had put Rachel out of the mood and so she suggested I get dressed. This I did, then I went out of a random door onto the base. I wandered about for a bit and then returned nonchalantly to the feast room. Laura the miniature racist asked me where the fuck I'd been, and I entirely got away with telling her that as a drunken person, I had wanted to get some fresh air.

Never did fuck Rachel though. :-(
(Eukanuba, Sun 9 Mar 2014, 14:01, 1 reply)

so your story is that you go out with thick people and are crap at cheating on them

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 9 Mar 2014, 14:14, closed)

dunno
That was a pretty successful cheating
( rofl harris, Sun 9 Mar 2014, 14:32, closed)

Doesn't successful cheating entail actually cheating
not just getting a bit of tit and then running away?

I'm a bit out if practice like.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 9 Mar 2014, 14:43, closed)

Not getting caught
= success I reckon
( rofl harris, Sun 9 Mar 2014, 16:46, closed)

I successfully robbed a bank.
Fucked up and didn't get any money like ... but I didn't get caught either.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 9 Mar 2014, 16:50, closed)

hmm, the whole
"I didn't finger that dog, I just dipped the tip in" defence
( rofl harris, Mon 10 Mar 2014, 11:55, closed)

^Terrible bullying of the mods

(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Mon 10 Mar 2014, 11:58, closed)

"A bit of tit" ...made me laugh.
( Ken Oath, Sun 9 Mar 2014, 23:45, closed)