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This is a question Trapped!

Pig Bodine asks: Where have you got stuck, trapped or tangled?

(, Fri 28 Feb 2014, 12:09)
Pages: Popular, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

This question is now closed.

that is all.
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 15:43, Reply)
don't you, forget about me
don't don't don't don't
don't you, forget about me
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 15:29, Reply)
Well it's about time.
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 15:21, 1 reply)
Would anyone like to see a picture of some lego?

(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 15:05, 2 replies)
Welcome to
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 14:54, 1 reply)
Per istam sanctan
unctionem et suam piissimam misericordiam, indulgeat tibi Dominus quidquid per gustum
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 14:33, 3 replies)
Fucks Sake

(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 14:33, Reply)
Right, who's going to post the eel porn then?

(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 14:28, 1 reply)

(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 14:18, 1 reply)
Do you come here often?
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 14:15, 1 reply)
I'm relieved to have not been trapped in the audience when this was 'performed'.
I'd avoid any pub that allowed stand-up like this
Awooga. What a rush.

Right. Yeah, I got my notes here just in case I completely forget what I'm fucking saying. So, how are we all? Are we all good? Excellent, excellent.

Right, like, I was sort of rehearsing earlier. It is an absolute fucking pleasure to be here in despite the fact that my heart is currently going nineteen to a dozen and I feel like I'm about to take my driving test. Which I failed three times in a row. However, I- the last time I maintain it wasn't my fault.

I like to maintain- thanks there- I like to maintain- God, that's fucking distracting.

I like to maintain that it wasn't actually my fault. It was actually the fact that the OAP stepped out in front of me. And the fact that driving examiner was actually y-

Are you fucking filming? You bastard. Oh for God's sakes. Anyway, urm.

I like to maintain that it wasn't my fault. It was in fact the fault of the driving examiner in that she didn't get there with the dual controls quick enough. That, and she was a frustrated Daily Mail reading bitch queen man-hating whore from hell. But, so it goes so.

So, I asked, I asked how you-we all were earlier. And, you know, you all obviously responded in the positive. But the answer that you never expect- which admittedly, I've never got- but you live in hope and you don't turn round and say "Actually Jim, I've just been bumraped by a tramp". Yes, I know that's gross-out humour but, any porn in a storm, right. And, especially tramps.

But anyway, and, uh, you know, If you're just asking someone how they are you don't expect their fucking life story. And if you get it, my resp-, my reaction is to go alright I'm going now bye bye.


Let's put that back up straight.



With sort of like with seeming in mind, urm, it is obviously festival season. Anyone going to any rock festivals soon? Leedsfest? Good luck.


Because, because, I'm not sure if this is true or not, but I had heard a story about a guy who sort of like, he's shall we say just a little bit different. He dresses up in a dry suit, this is from what I've heard, I don't know if it's true or not, dresses up in a dry suit with like full mask and snorkel and everything else. And goes and lurks in the long drops. And likes to play a little game with people. Yeah, you've heard this before haven't you. Oh well, so it goes. And, urm, you know he, he likes to, uh, like I say, play a little game. Don't spoil the punchline for me, please. Otherwise I'll be singling you out for a complaint later on. And, like I say, likes to lurk and he lurks in the long drops. Until you at the most vulnerable, your trousers around your ankles already feeling a little bit bleurrgh because of all of the various substances alcohol and the fact that, you know, your dung handles are you know pretty much brushing your shoes. And just at that moment apparently he likes to pop up and just go POP UP PIRATE you know like that.I'm gonna say if you've not had a shit before you certainly will after that.

That's just some of the silliness that we see on a daily basis. I mean, for example, once I was waiting at a train station taking part in the commonly known activity as waiting for trains. As you do. And I was there obviously watching the situation. There was my favourite member of the human species just for taking the piss out of: The Chav. He was standing there doing what chavs do - being fucking annoying cunt. But anyway. He was standing there with his can of Special Brew, cigarette, and mobile phone playing what can only be described as fucking noise.

Oi, Wh-where you going?


Anyway, back to the story, so he said, doing what he's doing, and there's this little eight year old running around doing what eight year olds do - going, sort of going like "ooh, well, happy days, happy days", you know, I'm not going to run around and run up all my energy so that I won't be an annoying little gimp whatever. And of course his parents were there, I mean, who would leave an eight year old child on there own with a train station? But, come off it. Sorry. And urrrm, yes, so he they're all in their accepted roles. I'm there being the observer thinking "my God, you're being so annoying", and you know, the chav is just going murmrmrmumrmr ntz ntz ntz coming out the mobile playing. And this you know the eight year old is running around playing gets fixed up a gear in the headlights with this chav and this chav just turns round and says "what you looking at?", as chavs apparently like to do when they're sort of like glanced at for half a microsecond by anyone. And this little kid, quick as ever, hold on two seconds, quick as a flash turns around like that and says "I don't know, but it appears to be trying to communicate with me". And I swear to God I've never seen anyone go from angry to confused at the flip of a switch. And the parents just grabbed this kid - Woah! - You know, and, you know, just got out of the situation I'm just sat there silently pissing myself with laughter. Not at the moment, thank God. And, urm, I was there, you know, and you never stood a chance under the towering intellect of an eight year old.

Anyway, right, but, still good chavs.

Sometimes I like to take a look at my friend, thank you very much Robert Chorlton, and for driving, you know, so I don't have to deal with the bane of Britain's model train system or the wonders of some might say. You know, the inevitable delays, leaves on the line, the platitudes that come out of the speakers, like: "We are sorry to announce the train has been delayed, there is a sheep on the line currently being buggered by a Welshman". For all you Welsh people out there, it's kind of my trait to take the piss out of them. For I am British after all.

So we're driving around and we see this chav on a bike - will you please pay attention - so we're driving along and - behave - there we are. "I wanna run that chav over, I wanna run that chav over". I'm just there thinking "why would you do that? I don't want that on my conscience. It could be my bike".

Okay, I was thinking that could have gone a lot better than it did. But never mind, so yeah. But anyway, on a final note, I'm just gonna end with this sort of like little this sort of review of life. We all see some pretty stupid fucking things, not at least, anyone from Wakefield here by the way? Apart from myself. Excellent right. I'm guessing some of you here heard about that Romanian who decided to rape someone in Clerkgate Station so he could go to prison and learn English. What the fuck is he going to learn? "Somebody pass the soap"?

Thank you very much you people have been beautiful goodnight.
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 13:36, 8 replies)
Would somebody please bring back bollocksparrot?

(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 12:37, 7 replies)
I bummed your mum.

(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 12:36, 4 replies)
Wanky wanky wanky wank.

(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 12:23, Reply)
another anus

(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 12:19, Reply)

(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 12:09, Reply)
Hang on, this seems familiar...
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 11:37, Reply)
This is not the end
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 11:36, Reply)
Seems the only way to get this finally closed is to post pictures of sheds

(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 11:31, 10 replies)

(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 11:15, 2 replies)
A bloke my 2nd cousin knows said he was going to hang himself then drown him self
In an 84000 mega litter pool.

If they don't stop this soon.
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 11:11, 1 reply)
That's not an end.
THIS is an end.
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 11:01, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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