Getting thoroughly searched coming into New Zealand
After god knows how many hours in the air (enough to watch the LOTR trilogy, at any rate) it was a tortuously long way from the plane to the open air where I could enjoy a cigarette. However, fate had decided to throw one more obstacle in our path. As we later learned, they had caught a number of young couples attempting to smuggle coke into NZ and myself and the (then) missus must have exactly fitted the bill, especially as I appeared to be in a bit of a hurry due to my nicotine jones. So while the rest of the passengers from our plane were waved through customs, we were diverted along another channel, where we found our bags waiting for us.

I've done a fair bit of travelling and I've had my bags searched a lot, but this guy was friendly and as he explained the situation we got chatting. When he found out my missus was a Kiwi, he said "Fuck! Shit, I'm not supposed to swear! Shit! Er, bother! Why didn't you go through the Kiwi line?" I said I was English, and he said that was fine as partners of New Zealanders count as Kiwis in that situation, even if they don't have a New Zealand passport. Anyway, then he got kind of excited about how his kit worked explaining that he was going to swab our bags for drugs and explosives, just like on CSI. And then he looked at us and said: "You guys smoke weed, don't you?"

We stopped. The missus looked at me. I looked back at him, trying not to give anything away while my mind did 360° flips over what to tell him. On the one hand, he seemed like a genuinely nice guy who had just sworn repeatedly in front of us when he wasn't supposed to, on the other hand he was a customs officer in an airport who was asking me if I took drugs. I'd have to be a complete idiot to answer yes.

"Yes," I said. "We smoke weed."

"Ah, fair enough," he replied, putting one of his swab tests back in his bag. "I'll just test for coke and explosives then." Then he gave me a wink. "You'd be an idiot to bring anything to the North Island anyway, we've got the best weed in the world here."

We were later severely reprimanded by another, much less friendly customs officer who had discovered an undeclared tin of shortbread in my girlfriend's backpack. I love New Zealand.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 19 Apr 2013, 8:47, 6 replies)

I used to get well mashed on shortbread.
I'm clean now, though.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 19 Apr 2013, 8:55, closed)

I can see how this story makes you the pablo escobar of the games workshop world

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 19 Apr 2013, 9:00, closed)

Oh, this is utterly beautiful.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 19 Apr 2013, 9:19, closed)

I was in Games Workshop yesterday as it happens
The new Tau battlesuits are quite a wonder to behold
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 19 Apr 2013, 10:00, closed)

And yet again the only post worthy of a click is a cutting response to one of the Drearies.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 20 Apr 2013, 9:15, closed)

Tell us more about how you do drugs, you cool guy you.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 19 Apr 2013, 9:20, closed)

Aren't you worried that it might lead to harder drugs?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 19 Apr 2013, 9:23, closed)

Like Rich Tea

Man, that shit fucks you up.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 19 Apr 2013, 10:42, closed)

There is nothing more helpless and irresponsible than a man in the depths of a Hob Nob binge.

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 19 Apr 2013, 10:54, closed)

Totally spent all last night off my face on bourbon

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 19 Apr 2013, 10:59, closed)

I'm gonna main line chatdupap after work tonight

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 19 Apr 2013, 16:19, closed)