My Penguin
I rediscovered when avoiding studying tidying at the weekend a small squeezy penguin a friend once gave me for my birthday.

It's brightly coloured with a strange expression on it's face.

He is like some sort of brother to me, and should therefore be saved. Also, because he is awesome.

He is currently wearing a hat. He looks so cool.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 12 May 2008, 10:43, 64 replies)

what is
his name?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 13:50, closed)

Is it
Capt'n Wilkins?
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:01, closed)

Is it
Rumpelstiltskin?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:04, closed)

Is it
Gerald McBoing Boing?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:13, closed)

Is it
Flash Ahhhhhhhhhhh-Ahhhh (He'll save every one of us)?
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:15, closed)

Is it...
Lord Admiral Captain Smegbobble?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:21, closed)

Is it
Call him Mr Raider call him Mr Wrong Call him Mr Vain Call him Mr Raider call him Mr wrong Call him insane?

Because he'd say "I know what I want And I want it now, I want you 'cause I'm Mr Vain, I know what I want and I want it now, I want you 'cause I'm Mr Vain"
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:22, closed)

Is it
J R Hartley?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:25, closed)

Is it
Burtmonkeysex?
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:28, closed)

Where has Bert gone?
Bert? Come back! I'm sorry about what I said, I didn't mean it.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:30, closed)

Haha!
Is it Robert Mugabe?
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:33, closed)

is it
P-p-p-p-p-pick-up-a?
( seeballs Doo da da doo da da doo da da doo, da da doo da do, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:34, closed)

Or is it
Alastair Darling?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:34, closed)

^ Nah
Then it'd have to have freakish eyebrows.
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:35, closed)

Is it
Pingu?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:36, closed)

Is it
The Exploding Jam Commando?
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:37, closed)

Is it
Pope Elizabeth MCMIV?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:39, closed)

Is it
Ted Gein Von Dahmer D'Bundy?
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:41, closed)

Woah
I wander off for a couple of hours to attempt to study, end up watching peep show, and come back to find this. I do plan to name it, as it has never had that joy.

Let me have a quick look through the list......


EDIT

And the answer, after having a quick look through the list is.....

None of them.

Instead, it shall be a conglomoration:

He shall henceforth be known as Captain Pingu.

Pushed together two of HLT's suggestions, and just 'cos she is one of those female-types. Or because she has cake.

Mmm, cake.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:56, closed)

she has sex too
sometimes, she has both.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:04, closed)

She does indeed.
In a cave sometimes, too.
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:06, closed)

Hmm
I have heard of this cave.

Perhaps I should go there to congratulate her on her ideas getting used...

Yes, congratulate.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:10, closed)

Hmm...
You'll want to watch out, there's [Things that you're scared of] in there!
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:11, closed)

ooh!
What an honour!

God bless Captain Pingu!

(and all who sail in her)

*goes all red, but is pleased*

you can all have sex and cake now, in my cave.

EDIT: since typing "goes all red" I have actually gone all red.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:11, closed)

PICTURE
Picture, picture, picture, picture, picture
(Jugular, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:12, closed)

Properly red?
Like...
Blood?
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:13, closed)

What hoorahs!
Although I do have recollections of the last cave-mention, and what Kaol and al got up to in there.

The cake must be eaten first.

Are you wanting pictures from the cave? If so, just no.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:14, closed)

@ Kaol
Ah... noooo....
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:15, closed)

hlt
Are you embarrassed, or dying?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:16, closed)

you might want to give the cake a miss.
I had a little, er, accident, last wednesday.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:17, closed)

Haha!
*paints himself head to toe in goat blood*
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:19, closed)

I am
embarrassed. all pink with pleasure, if you must know.

and now, can someone mind the cave for me? i have to go and talk to a lady about invoices.

I'll be back though, shall I bring more cake?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:20, closed)

I'm that good, eh?
We shall mind your cave. I need to get out of the sun that is coming through my window.

Fresh cake, hoorah.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:22, closed)

Well, that was fun
But having been old biddied to death, I'm gagging for a g&t

Anyone else?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:43, closed)

Yeah
But all I have is vodka and Irn-Bru.

*Deja-vu*

Old biddies, what fun.

I used to have to deal with so many at work.

"How much for a pot of tea? That's ludicrous."
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:46, closed)

That depends on whetther
g&t is a code for cake and sex in a cave. If so, yes. If not, yes.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:47, closed)

yes, yes a thousand times yes
Because I've just been paid for an invoice which now I can't find.

Balls.

But I did bring carrot cake!

*hands round*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:49, closed)

I can't drink
I'm on epic amounts of hayfever medicine.

I mean...

Fuck it, I've only gotta drive 10 miles home tonight...

I feel like some champagne.
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:50, closed)

Wow
So many things I didn't know were involved in working in a theatre.

Thanks for le cake. I do love cake.

So does Captain Pingu.


He says thank you.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:51, closed)

Right, I'm changing my name to stupidlittletulip
because the invoice I couldn't find, which hadn't been paid, was in the "unpaid invoices" file.

*bashes head*

Tell Captain Pingu he is most welcome.
Does he want to be the cave mascot?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:06, closed)

That very much depends
On what the duties of cave mascot involve.

If they are suitable duties, I'm sure he would be thrilled. He is currently wearing a hat that I made.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:12, closed)

Hmmm
Well, he has to be able to:

wear a hat
fetch cake
guard the cave against nasty intruders
and sing the b3ta national anthem (don't know what this is... what would it be?!)

Can he do those things? Can he?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:18, closed)

Yes
Yes, m'dear, yes he can.

And he can do them well.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:20, closed)

What would he do
if bigger boys were to try and get into the cave?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:24, closed)

Bigger boys?
As in myself, you and Burt?

Or are we talking about Gigantor-Sam?
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:26, closed)

Bite them.
Betwixt the legs.

Hard.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:26, closed)

I didn't really have anyone specific in mind
just "bigger boys" like the sort that would turn up at your parties when you were 13 or 14 and take your illicitly obtained bottles of french lager, charm the girls you were hoping to kiss and maybe even finger under a sleeping bag later, and generally break stuff before leaving to do more exciting things that you could only dream of like going to the pub.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:29, closed)

Never happened to me...
But I grew up in the countryside, with no friends, or TV.

Still, I turned out pretty normal, I'm sure you'll agree.
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:32, closed)

good
but what about our anthem?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:35, closed)

It should be
something by the Village People.
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:40, closed)

Macho Man
There is only one logical choice.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:42, closed)

Like D.I.E.T?
Since we*'re all obsessed with cake?


*me
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:42, closed)

How about
Something uplifting? Or just plain seedy?

*also slightly obsessed with cake*
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:45, closed)

How about
Touch Me by Sam Fox.

*sings*

Touch me, touch me, I wanna feel your body, your heart beats close to mine (this is the night), Touch me, touch me now! *synth solo*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:47, closed)

There was some song
That K2k6 said about, called "The night we had the goats".

That's an instant winner.
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:57, closed)

Yes
That gets my goat vote
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 May 2008, 17:01, closed)

Dim cyfwth fyr ngafr
Or something like that, if any welsh b3tans would care to affirm/correct.

It means "don't touch my goat" in Welsh.

Don't ask me why that just bubbled to the surface. Must be all the gin. And cake. And sex.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 17:03, closed)

Damn thee
And all thy sex and cake.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 12 May 2008, 17:05, closed)

:(
but why and wherefore, o penguin of death?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 17:08, closed)

Well,
I'm going home now, for a quick *touches wood*... attempt at playing my new copy of GTA.

Then I'm off to "jam" with my "crew".

Au revoir.
( Cawl, Mon 12 May 2008, 17:16, closed)

I'm confused hlt
The why makes sense, but the wherefore just has me perplexed.

Care to explain for slow, old me?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 12 May 2008, 17:50, closed)

Ah, Penguin
The wherefore is just another way of saying why.

As in "wherefore art thou Romeo?" doesn't mean Juliet's asking , "where are you loverboy?" it means WHY do you have to be Romeo, why do you have to be the child of my father's arch-enemy and the one person I'm not supposed to fall in love with?

*takes off teacher hat*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 18:06, closed)

ok, je understandeth
Was part of that from working in le theatre too?

As I understand now, I am going to undamn thee for thine cake and sex. You can keep them.

I wouldn't mind some cake though. All I have is far too much juice, and pasta.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 12 May 2008, 18:19, closed)

Oh, OK
I'm going home now anyway. It's spooky being the only person in the theatre.

Don't forget to feed Captain Pingu, or he'll peck you!

bye!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 12 May 2008, 18:32, closed)