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This is a question Twattery

Nigella Pussycat says: Tell us about utter twats doing remarkably twatty things. Or have you ever done something really twattish to a friend, loved one or pet? In summary: Twats

(, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 13:30)
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The twat twatted her clean in the twat.
Ladies and gentlemen: a pearost

I was once in one of Newcastle's classier* late night drinking establishments, of which there are many. It was a Wednesady night, which was student night. The particular special of the night was double vodka and cokes for £1.50. Now, myself and my esteemed colleagues (more about them in other posts if I can muster the courage) were not that fussy about the nature of the beverage, as long as it was cheap, so vast quantities of vodka and coke were purchased and drunk. Repeat....

Anyway, we were by no means the only people acceeding to the "let's get absolutely wankered on cheap russian falling over water". There were many ladies present, mostly being perved over by my mates. I took the opportunity to leave and have a slash. The toilets were off a short corridor from the main dancefloor. As I entered said corridor, a refreshed young lady came towards me, slipped and fell over. However...

1: Her legs went in opposite directions.
2: One heel got stuck in a crack between a floortile and the wall.
3: The other shoe went flying off.
4: She split her gusset.

So, there she was, lying in the birthing position, clunge on view to the general public, crying copiously.

So one of my mates (who had earlier been chatting her up) runs over.


and manages to kick her clean in the flange.

We left.

*not really
(, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 11:02, 10 replies)
A top pea all the same.

(, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 11:17, closed)
and happy b3taday!
(, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 11:23, closed)
I am having tea and scones later, you are invited.
(, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 11:26, closed)
VERY civilised. Can I turn up, get drunk and start hitting on your mother?
(, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 11:27, closed)
If you don't mind necrophilia yes.

(, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 11:38, closed)
I tend to actively seek it out.
(, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 11:43, closed)

(, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 11:42, closed)
You prefer a bit of kink then drimble?

(, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 11:51, closed)
This may be a repost...
...but it's one of my favourite reposts.

(, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 11:45, closed)
We have a winner...
...great story!
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 7:26, closed)

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