When I was doing my medical training
I had to leave my part time job of being a bike mechanic in order to concentrate on making sure I didn't kill people just by looking at them. Fair enough, I think you'll agree.

One week, I was working in theatres, when we had a nasty op come in. A man was ploughing a field when his plough got caught on a brick by a bush in his field. As he got out of his tractor to investigate, a bunch of rats ran from underneath the bush, jumped on his back and pushed him onto the ploughshares. This caused a major laceration to his abdomen, as well as severe internal bleeding.

It turns out that these rats had escaped from a secret government laboratory where they had been given special drugs to stimulate their mental agility. The rats themselves were actually nearly as intelligent as most human beings. In fact, it turns out that the reason they attacked the farmer is that he had uncovered a tiny money printing works hidden underneath the bush.

We managed to sow the poor farmer up again, but unfortunately this left a major scar across his stomach. When he came round, I saw the bandages being removed. He screamed and asked me "what the fuck is that on my stomach?"

"Ah" I said, "that's the op site to a NIMH-ploy mint."

And then he shot me.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Fri 3 Apr 2009, 15:18, 10 replies)

ah, NIMH..
as in mrs frisby and the rats of?
(micky2shoes has more shoes than feet, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 15:27, closed)

Fuck me...
that's all I can say to this...

Fuck me...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 15:30, closed)

Now is that disgust
or a request Mr Hanky? If the latter, then I'll lube up the dwarf.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Fri 3 Apr 2009, 15:33, closed)

I'm addidcted to you mate
You leave me feeling dirty but wanting more.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 15:41, closed)

I have that effect on many people.
I'm like a muddy puddle.




Full of transsexuals.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Fri 3 Apr 2009, 15:43, closed)

The pun was
appalling.

But you get a click because the story made me laugh.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 15:38, closed)

sow the farmer up
haha, good agricultural themed pun!

What?
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 15:57, closed)

Glad....
...you got it!
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Fri 3 Apr 2009, 16:09, closed)

it has everything
bad puns, farming, bike mechanics. woulr read again :thumbsup:
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 17:31, closed)

jesus shitting christing fucking jesusing fucking christ on fire
hahahahahahahahahahaha
( discomeats This canoe, Sat 4 Apr 2009, 23:49, closed)