WILDLIFE PHOTOGRAPHER OF THE YEAR
Part of my job involves trawling round on the Tube, picking up various tropical diseases from the seats and attempting to avoid the weird fuckers who think they’re the second coming of Christ, and this means I should give them some money.

Just recently I was sat on the Jubilee line travelling up to Neasden for a meeting. It was a hot day and I could feel the sweat running down my back and pooling in my arse crack – not pleasant. Not pleasant at all.

Then at Swiss Cottage a fug-ugly middle aged woman who resembled a broiled Gamorrean Guard with tits clambered onto the train and sat opposite me. The first thing that struck me was that this walking mountain of wobbly lard and cheeseburgers wasn’t wearing a bra. The second thing that stuck me was that she really shouldn’t have been wearing a baggy low cut vest top which showed off the sort of cleavage your average Alpine skier would find a challenge to slalom down.

Now, she was fucking ugly. But – being a pervert of some repute – I was instantly a little bit hard; I could feel the tip of my cock weep a little in appreciation, making a bit of a sticky mess in my pubes.

Then I did the pretending-not-to-look-at-her-tits-while-looking-at-her-tits thing. Then she did something amazing. Something truly wonderful –

She leaned forward in her seat giving me complete and unrestricted viewing rights to her pendulous bobbing and swaying zeppelins. She had fucking HUGE dark nipples the size and shape of fried eggs.

Fuck me...

So, being a perfect gentleman, I stared intently at her norks for a good few minutes. Then something occurred to me – I really should capture this moment for posterity. I had a brand new Samsung Soul camera phone in my pocket and had bought the fucker mainly because of its pretty decent camera.

I casually reach into my pocket, pulled out the mobile and pretended to do some really important fucking about with the various unnecessary functions while I prepped the camera for some clandestine North London wildlife photography – there’s nothing quite like taking a photo of a couple of trembling great tits in their natural environment.

I aimed the camera as secretively as I could, not making it obvious I was trying to capture this munters sizable assets to use as a screen saver on my laptop later. I had the perfect image of mammary goodness on my mobile’s screen- making sure to cut her head out of the frame - and then I pressed the little clicky button, and-

FLASH!!!!!

Now, I don’t know if anyone else out there’s got one of these Samsung Soul mobiles, but if you do you’ll know the flash on them is brighter than the fucking sun going super-fucking-nova. The entire carriage was bathed instantly in the brightest fluorescent light known to humankind. It’s the type of scorching light that can detach retinas and make heavily pregnant women give birth instantly.

Time stood still as various commuters looked over in my direction.

It was pretty damn obvious what I was up to...

That was an uncomfortable few minutes til I got to Neasden, I can tell you, as I sat there quietly dying of embarrassment inside while complete strangers muttered “pervert,” under their breath and mothers moved their small children as far away from me as possible...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 29 May 2009, 10:07, 9 replies)

I would say POIDH
But I don't think that would be advantageous in this instance.
( girlinthehole, Fri 29 May 2009, 10:10, closed)

Well if you won't.
POIDH.
(Dark Lord, Fri 29 May 2009, 10:40, closed)

concurrence

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 29 May 2009, 14:56, closed)

Pendulous
I love the way that word sounds.

That's all I have to say about that.

*cilck*
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Fri 29 May 2009, 10:45, closed)

POIDH

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 29 May 2009, 11:04, closed)

I don't think we really want to see the pictures in this case


It's too early in the morning!
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 29 May 2009, 11:38, closed)

I object
POIDH
(MissFlee tried again on, Fri 29 May 2009, 12:00, closed)

POIDH
and have a *click* for making me giggle
(bucsie, Fri 29 May 2009, 12:40, closed)

POIDH
Tits are tits, after all. :o)
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:29, closed)