Yours is how to write an academic paper in the Arts and Humanities.
How to write an academic paper in science goes like this:

1. Have hypothesis.
2. Do the experiment.
3. If null hypothesis is rejected, write it up (NB: do not use adverbs).
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 15:24, 3 replies)

or
1. have hypothesis
2. do the experiment
3. repeat the experiment and get statistically significant differences in the results
4. repeat the experiment in the forlorn hope that the cells will at least pretend to behave the same way as one of the previous attempts.
4a. do 4 again until it works
5. re think the hypothesis.
6. write a paper and submit it to the least discerning journal you can find
7. realise the organism you're working on is a bastard and you've just wasted 4 years of your life.
( ascorbate, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 17:09, closed)

Mutatis mutandis...
... that describes my PhD thesis. Beyond repolishing it to publish as a completely pointless monograph, I've not touched a thing I tried to do in it since submitting.

It was a means to get me the degree - nothing more. Nearly four years, several thousand pounds in fees, 80k words - plus several comparable earlier-but-junked drafts... and I've STILL never been able to use "Dr" successfully to get an airline upgrade.


Yes, I know that, strictly speaking, a PhD doesn't entitle you to call yourself "Dr" in a non-academic setting. Screw it. I don't care.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 17:26, closed)

yes it does
I'm Dr now in all settings. bedroom included.
( ascorbate, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 18:01, closed)

Yes it does.
It's being an MD that doesn't allow you to call yourself a doctor in none work settings, as it's an honorary title.

I've been upgrdaded once in 12 years for that. Bah.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 10:10, closed)

Other way around.
It's honorary titles that carry outside - things like (mnedical) Dr, knighthoods, and so on.

The stuff for which you work doesn't. But, like I said, I'm past caring now...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:11, closed)

Bollocks to your last point
I have 'Dr' on my credit cards and chequebook and lots of other places too, and I haven't worked in an academic setting since I got my doctorate. I always get better treatment.

Haven't yet tried it on an airline, admittedly, but the fawning that people produce when they realise you're a bit 'special' (not in that sense) is worth it.

As you say, screw it. I worked hard for that PhD. Actually, I mostly fucked around playing croquet and Civilization, but I must have put in a good... oh, two hours a day for six months and that was enough. But mine was in an arts subject, so you could pretty much just write your name and still get a doctorate.
( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 9:51, closed)

I first read Point 7 as
"Release the organism"

Which would be a great line to hear in a trailer for a horror film.
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:13, closed)

experiment? experiment?
... not sodding likely, I'm a theorist.

1. have idea
2. do calculation of dubious mathematical validity and/or dodgy simulation(s)
3a. give up, goto 1
3b. make calculations rigorous and/or do proper simulations, goto 4
4. write text
5. submit paper

No wait, I've missed out a step. Must add remark on "end of contract-itis", and Geoff rewriting the intro (again). brb.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 17:17, closed)

A null hypothesis...
... ah, if only.

I suppose that you could write a paper along the lines of, "Well, claim P would seem to have a certain prima facie plausibility, on the basis of a, b and c. But it doesn't after all, becasue of x, y and z."

But then, unless you've got evidence that someone sane actually does think that P, it'd seem just to be verbiage - and any reviewer worth their salt'd reject it quickly and brutally.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 17:33, closed)

You can see why STEM subjects get all the funding.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 18:16, closed)

Sore point, that.
I've just had to defer my research leave for six months.

On the upside, this means it's now in the spring/ summer, with a possible autumn/ winter extension, rather than autumn/ winter with possible spring/ summer... but all the same...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 19:36, closed)