Blue Smiroff - vol 2
We got back on the ferry from a completely failed trip to France when I was 19. I had just under a tenner left, so me and my girlfriend bought a meal to share, and with the remaining fiver, I bought a ½ litre bottle of Blue Smirnoff to quell my volcanic frustration of the days events. We ate the food and we were supposed to share the vodka, too, but we had no mixers, so I ended up drinking most of it…

The last thing I remember is standing at the back of the ferry, watching thick purple fractals dance over the wake, and vanish skittering into the horizon . . .

. . . and the next thing I know I’m waking up - and everything is white.

I’m in white.

On a white bed.

The room is white.

. . . .

I gingerly get out of bed and open the white door of the white room - and note with rising alarm that the corridor outside is white - as is everyone walking down the corridor.

“Well, that’s it then”, I thought, “I’m in some weird afterlife”…

But unfortunately I had no time to reflect on this reverie, as just then one of the people in white walked into the room and said “Ah, Mr Beaver, you’re awake at last”. AWAKE!! So I’m NOT dead after all!

Turns out, instead, I was in hospital. Obviously.

After finishing my vodka, I went for a little nap at the top of the ferry - RIGHT at the top on the outside of the boat.

When everyone got off the ferry, I didn’t. It took them two hours - and four searches to find me - apparently I was a foot away from an almighty drop to the deck below, and had only managed to ward off serious hypothermia because I was wearing leather trousers and a jumper. The crew were going to give up on searching for me, fearing I had gone overboard, but my girlfriend’s dad insisted they kept on looking.

I’ve still got the ferry ticket and one of the sticky-chest-heart monitoring things.

But I DON’T still drink Blue Smirnoff.

Well apart from that time when I got into a scrap with someone down a club in Brighton...
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Tue 19 Feb 2013, 17:53, 8 replies)

Leather trousers? Nice.
(Amberleaf, Tue 19 Feb 2013, 19:05, closed)

Yeah - I only clicked 'reply' so I could say much the same thing.
You beat me to it.
( 4Q just lurking, Tue 19 Feb 2013, 19:19, closed)

And he went to Brighton.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 19 Feb 2013, 21:12, closed)

he had a jumper on though.
it's proven fact that gays don't like jumpers.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 19 Feb 2013, 21:20, closed)

Leather trousers AND a girlfriend.
I wonder if she knew she was a beard and went along with it for a free holiday?
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 20 Feb 2013, 8:51, closed)

What the fucks wrong with leather trousers???
Fuckers!!!
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Wed 20 Feb 2013, 11:23, closed)

Nothing, if you're gay.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 20 Feb 2013, 12:51, closed)

I can't chat now...
I'm too busy shopping for curtains.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 11:45, closed)