Some vandalism that never happened...
...but lord (perhaps) it should have.

Many moons ago, when I was but a young nipper, I had the dubious privilege of attending what I shall (because I always have, and will continue to) call a "public school".

At said establishment there was a summer celebration, where the good folk would gather upon the playing fields to drink champagne, and eat cake and watch cricket.

There were perhaps a thousand schoolchildren eager to pull a prank on that day, and many were undoubtably pulled. None, however, would come close to the idea I heard of.

You see, of all the people who "wanted" to do something, there were precious few who would actually do it if it involved getting one's hands dirty.

There were traffic cones strung from trees, exploding confectionaries, S.C.U.B.A. divers and paintball assaults, but vandalism?

The idea, as I was reliably informed, was to raise some cash. That was the easy part. The hard part was what to do with it. Well, when I say hard, I should really also include a disclaimer about length; it is by now long, and hard and throbbing.

Ten pounds a person, for the most magnificent piece of vandalism ever seen. One thousand potential investors. Not all would pay up, I believe, but still! no sniffing over five grand in cash.

The idea, more specifically, was to buy one penny coins. A fair few two penny coins too, as they are a better size, but ignore them for now. So 500,000 one penny coins. In sacks, in the back of a couple of S.U.V.s. Being driven through several thousand people picnicking happily. Picture money being thrown in handfuls - worthless money at rich people. The sports fields are covered in shrapnel.

Except they never were. Not in my knowledge anyway. My only wonder is what happened to the money.

Length: I already warned you.
(IdlePeAcEsign if trouble were my mistress, i'd send her to them, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 4:52, 18 replies)

And I forgot to show the link...
You really should check out the imaginary money being not thrown from some cars that aren't there:

www.deagostini.com.au/ilovehorses/
(IdlePeAcEsign if trouble were my mistress, i'd send her to them, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 5:10, closed)

You're not even trying, are you?

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 8:41, closed)

Should there be an apostrophe in 'one's hands'?
I'm not sure there should be, as possessive adjectives are already possessive. Surely 'ones' and 'one's' are the same as 'its' and 'it's'.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 8:26, closed)

'Fraid not
Possessive adjectives do have an apostrophe:

John's
Mary's
Men's
Ladies'
Children's

etc.

You're either thinking of possessive determiners or possessive pronouns, which don't:

Determiners:

My
His
Her
Its
Our
Your

Pronouns:

His
Hers
Yours
Its
Ours

etc.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 9:45, closed)

While on the subject
Some people seem to struggle with the placement of the apostrophe in plural possessive adjectives, but it's very simple. If the plural ends with an 'S', add an apostrophe:

Boys'
Girls'
Ladies'

If it doesn't, add an apostrophe and an 'S':

Men's
Women's
Children's
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:04, closed)

Right,
I'm not sure John's, Mary's etc. are possessive adjectives; aren't they still proper nouns, and the ''s' makes them possessive, thus 'John's book' is a noun phrase, not a noun modified by an adjective.

What I do know is this; while his, hers, yours, its and ours are indeed possessive pronouns, they often decline to possessive adjectives.

Take a look at these two sentences:

The book is his.

It is his book.

In the first sentence 'his' is a possessive pronoun- it's the genitive declension of 'he'- while in the second sentence 'his' is a possessive adjective, it modifies the noun.

When I said that I didn't think 'one's' should have the apostrophe, I still think I may be right. Look at these possessive adjectives.

His pen
Her birthday
Your choice
My decision
Its basket

Notice that in the last example 'Its' is a possessive adjective, but doesn't take an apostrophe. If we go back to the original post, we have 'one's hands'. In the sentence, 'one's' is an adjective not a pronoun, and as such, I don't think it should have the apostrophe.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:27, closed)

OK, I looked it up in Swan's, and I'm wrong.
While 'one's' is indeed a possessive adjective in the same way as 'its', it does take the apostrophe. How strange! I sometimes think the contradictions in English have been purposely put there to confuse us.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:41, closed)

Hmm
I would argue with that.

"One" isn't a personal pronoun, it's just a noun that people use to construct sentences (using standard rules) to talk about themselves, so shouldn't (to me) have a corresponding possessive pronoun or possessive adjective/determiner.

You could substitute "Jim" or "the postman" or "Cthulhu" for "one" and you wouldn't have to change the syntax at all in whatever new sentence you decided to come up with. That's certainly not the case with any personal pronoun.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:57, closed)

There does seem to be a lot of confusion about 'one'.
When I use it, I think of it as a first, second and third person plural pronoun- I use it to mean everyone- yet I know some people use it as a first person singular pronoun.

Luckily for me, next week I'll be drinking with people who care about this sort of thing again, and I think I have a topic for our first conversation.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:12, closed)

Hmmm
Further research would seem to indicate that "one" is a pronoun, albeit one that doesn't fit the usual rules.

So I may have been talking out of my arse. The apostrophe is correct though.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:26, closed)

So we're back to the question of why it takes an apostrophe.
I agree that it does. As I said, I looked it up in Swan's, and as far as I'm concerned, that's good enough for me.

I just feel there should be a genitive declension without the apostrophe.

It seems my post at the bottom of the page isn't the end of it after all.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:35, closed)

Indeed
And you would appear to have some grounds from to argue your case.

Initially I thought you were a raving loon for thinking that "one" was akin to the "real" personal pronouns, but the more I think of it, it does kind of fit in with the rest:

I/me/my/mine
You/you/your/yours
He/him/his/his
It/it/its/its
One/one/ones/ones

Interesting.

Maybe it's because it's a fairly modern thing, and was added to the list a long time after Old/Middle English?
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:35, closed)

GRAMMAR NAZI'S'S'.

(viciousal, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 15:33, closed)

Ah, hang on
I was wrong, but not on the crucial point.

My examples aren't possessive adjectives at all, they're nouns with an enclitic suffixed to show possession.

The possessive adjectives (or possessive determiners) in English are:

My
Your
His
Her
Its
Our
Their
Whose

...and the corresponding possessive pronouns are:

Mine
Yours
His
Hers
Its
Ours
Theirs
Whose

"One's" is just a noun (one) with an enclitic ('s).
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:47, closed)

This is why I'm confused.
Why the clitic? I don't understand why one can't just write 'ones hands'. It doesn't make sense.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:50, closed)

Same reason you can't write "womens hands"
"One" isn't a personal pronoun, it's just a common or garden noun.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:09, closed)

I see your point.
I'm glad we cleared that up. Every day's a school day.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:16, closed)

Hmmmm

(Speshal, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 0:41, closed)