Beware Mr Floppy
I was a late starter compared to most of you lot, 19 in the second year of uni and she was a 21 year old exchange student from Kansas.

I’d lied about being experienced and was a little shocked when I got her pants off and realised this was it. Did a bit of foreplay, got out a condom, started to roll it on and suddenly turned into linguine. Went down on her to cover up (thank you Cynthia Heimel’s ‘Sex tips for girls’) but eventually has to admit that there was nothing going on downstairs.

I came out with the immortal line of “Look, that thing we were about to do, well I’ve never done it before.” Then spent five minutes shouting at myself, calling my cock an “ungrateful bastard”.

Surprisingly she didn’t call the police but after 30 minutes extended massage I was ready for action. Then the only problem was finding where to put it.

Eventually she got tired of inexpert probing, grabbed it and shoved it in. To this day a woman doing that to me is a massive turn on. Cue about a minute of thrusting and finally losing the dreaded virginity.

She was such a good sport about it we ended up going out for three years and I nearly married her, before realising that I didn’t want to sleep with just one person for the rest of my life.
(paxvobiscum, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 5:26, Reply)