The Regurgitator
In my first year at uni, the main act at our Fresher's Ball was... none other than the mighty mole-man Chesney Hawkes!* Even more excitingly, the support act was a man called The Regurgitator.

The Regurgitator was simply amazing. Looked a bit like Rich Hall if Rich Hall dressed in spandex leggings and nothing else. His special skill was to fool a bunch of pissed-up first-years (not a difficult task) into thinking that he really could swallow a locked padlock and the key, unlock it in his stomach, and then cough it back up.

However, whilst that might have been the cleverest part of his act, it wasn't the most impressive. That was when he drank some washing up liquid and some lighter gas, then burped up a huge bubble which started floating towards the ceiling, before he popped it with a lit match, producing an enormous fireball. He did lots of similar stuff, but that was what really stuck with the bunch of us who'd gone from halls together. We discussed it animatedly on the nightbus back, and came to the conclusion that he must the hardest hardman in the history of hardness.

As we giggled and stumbled our way back through Camberwell, one of the boys decided to prove that he was just as good as The Regurgitator. He nipped into Budgens and picked up some washing up liquid; intending to burp up gloriously large bubbles that would float away on the chill night air, he squeezed it forcefully down his throat. A look of determination grew on his face, and he drew in a deep breath, ready to burp his green bubble forth. Instead, he vommed the whole lot up again, it running in a gloopy sheet over his chin in a vile parody of ectoplasm. As he collapsed, retching, to his knees, I noticed that his vom was full of lots of little bubbles! Then I noticed my dress was covered in lots of little vommy bubbles. As were my friends. We tried dragging towards halls, but he was covered in regurgitated fairy liquid and kept slipping out of our hands. Every time he tried to stand up he slipped and fell over into the foamy pool of gunk, coughing up more bubbles. Eventually we had to go into a kebab shop and buy some dishcloths from them to wipe him down till he was grippable, then dragged him home, laughing at his shocked, green face.

Apparently bubbles kept coming out of his nose for days afterwards.


*Turns out he'd had it removed. Along with any semblance of talent he might once have possessed.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 13:46, 2 replies)

We also had the Regurgitator at my University one evening
He came as a double act with Mr Methane (you can guess what his act was all about)
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 13:50, closed)

Mr Methane?
I think I can hazard a guess, yes.

The following year's Ball was headlined by Timmy Mallett. Oh how the mighty have fallen...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 13:56, closed)