meat
The following is the txt message my friend sent me in response to the question: How was your New Year's?

Brazier fell ova and sum tard put it bak up with his bare hands.haha.he didnt even notice it was hot.haha.bogans ay.i did an enormous meat spew.i was tripping abd it was red.i thort my insides were tryin 2 escape.it was funny til i got 2 mirror and saw my insides were all ova me.doh

(apologies for txtspk)
(nostrilsack a handpuppet, and a man-nappy, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 19:50, 4 replies)

bogans ay

( Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 19:54, closed)

If I post you a hardback copy of The Chambers English Dictionary
Will you promise me that next time you see your friend, you will smack him upside the head with it while shouting "William Shakespeare and Samuel Johnson lived so that you may write the most profound things in English, please stop pissing on their memories"
( The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 20:23, closed)

Well put.

( Moey, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 20:50, closed)

i've given up
he's a recidivist txtspkr
he's not even young. or hot.
bastard.

i initially commenced a rewrite into grown-up language, but the magic just wasn't there
(nostrilsack a handpuppet, and a man-nappy, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 0:32, closed)