I was on-call
Years ago I worked for a retail company where I had to be on-call at weekends for 'emergencies'. Anyway, one Saturday one of our stores had a minor fire and I had to go and sort some stuff out.

Everything fixed, I went back to the office to write up a brief report. I walked into the office where the Operations guys were. Except, there was nobody there. "That's strange" I thought "There's supposed to be someone here at all times during trading hours". And then I heard it. Coming from the server room: "OH MICKEY! OH YEAH! F**K ME MICKEY! F**K ME HARD! CALL ME A F**KING WH*RE MICKEY!".

It seemed that Mickey had invited his girlfriend in to keep him company.

Well, I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to interrupt a man while he's banging his girlfriend - especially when she's giving him such good encouragement. But on the other hand, I just want to get the report written and get out quick.

I spot my headphones on my desk. So I sit down and start writing the report - with my headphones on.

10 minutes later, Mickey's girlfriend walks out of the server room and lets out a huge "OH HOLY F**KING JEBUS!" and goes bright red.

I just feigned surprise and said "OH! Sorry to startle you! I didn't think anyone was in. I was listening to the radio. I guess I should have taken these headphones off when I came in!"

She suddenly saw that I was giving her an easy get-out. This way we could both just pretend that I heard nothing.

She looked instantly relieved.

It was a perfect situation... until of course, Mickey walked out behind her, doing up his flies, and asked her "What are you shouting about? Yer ar*ehole isn't bleeding again is it?"

And with that - the game was up.
(Flickr_Freak is a figment of your imagination., Fri 12 Oct 2007, 16:14, Reply)