Last Railway Story.... honestly...
O.K, last one (because I know you're all bored of Train Driver stories now),

When replacing our 50 year old trains with new, modern styled and wonderfully reliable units, the health and safety nazis decided that in the 'accessible toilet' (that's the offical name, drivers and guards have a different name which is too cruel to publish, even for b3ta) people needed an emergency alarm button, just incase you got into trouble doing what human beings have managed unaided for the last couple of thousand years...

Anyhew - I'm covering a Guards job, which basically means I walk through the train, answering the same questions 200 times and try to explain that I *can't* sell any tickets, because I'm really a Driver in disguise.
Then the alarm goes off - now normally in this situation, I'd page the guard and ask him/her to attend to the location, but as I'm the guard today, I happily wander down the train to the toilet where someone has pressed the alarm.

I knock on the door - no answer. I try shouting through the door - again, no answer - so being technically minded (and getting annoyed by the *usual* gremlins) I override the door lock and press the door open button;

Only to find two young ladies using the facilities. One on the toilet, the other waiting for her turn, but having already dropped her skirt and panties. Everything was on show.. x2.

That'll teach them to confuse the flush button with the emergency button... although strangely I'm very, very glad they did..
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Wed 17 Oct 2007, 1:02, 4 replies)

As a guard I have encountered this many times
Funniest and smelliest one was the call for aid being operated, I went to find the door shut but unlocked. I asked the people about if there was anyone in the bog, they all said no, I went in to find an old asian bint with her drawers around her ankles, her sari hoist as high as her tits, and issuing the most malodorous guff you can imagine from her gargantuan arse
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 17 Oct 2007, 11:02, closed)

toilet name
is it 'mong-bog'?
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Wed 17 Oct 2007, 13:03, closed)

Possibly
"spacker-crapper"
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 17 Oct 2007, 13:41, closed)

I was actually considering
'Crip-Crapper'
(Lythium deals in lead, my friend., Wed 17 Oct 2007, 18:57, closed)