[chthonic here posting on behalf of a poor b3tan cut off by the government]

The Ministry of Defence has taken exception to b3ta, and blocks access to the website (which ended my amateurish photoshop image challenge entries) - although the filters merrily let the newsletter through every week, even if 95% of the links are verboten. I did want to submit a tale to this QOTW though, as the salty liquid that runs through my veins is not Jimmy Saville juice, but instead is seawater. As I am a LONG way away right now, can you post on the forum on my behalf, pretty please?


You see, I am a serving seagoing officer in the Royal Navy (a job I fell into after university for temporary reasons of boredom relief, but which I have stuck out as it turns out I rather enjoy messing around in grey metal boats) and have spent most of the last 12 years at sea. During this time, I have served in the only ship named the same as rhyming slang for lady bits (HMS Berkeley, named after Berkeley Hunt, which - as I'm sure all b3tans know, is why calling someone a "berk" is actually rather ruder than they might think), I’ve been around the world (twice) “protecting British interests” (lots of which involved getting drunk with local VIPs, so they did the diplomatic equivalent of slurring “Britain - you’re my beshtest mate ever, you are ... hic”), I’ve seen there are a lot more nice Argentineans in the Falklands (4) than there are nice RAF officers (1), and I’ve been involved in some pretty hairy standoffs with ships from (unnamed but unfriendly) nations bordering hot sandy places, but which (almost) always ended without shots being fired. However, of the numerous examples of tales I could share with fellow b3tans, most do not pass the “Daily Mail” test*, so will have to wait until the Ginger Mayan cycle of QOTWs resets in 2021, by which time the Question will recur and I’ll be the bursar of a minor prep school in Wiltshire anyway...

So on this occasion, I’ll let you into one item of naval trivia, which involves the dull esoteric world of international radio callsigns. You see every ship in the world (warships, merchant ships, fishermen, etc) has a unique callsign, made up of 4 or 5 letters and numbers, which identifies it on the radio, or on the shore-based radar systems, in order to avoid confusion of the number of ships with similar names (ie there are a lot of yachts called “Saucy Sue” out there). Just like the registration of aircraft, all British ship callsigns begin with a “G”, and when the Navy finally agreed to register its ships in the 1980s, it started with GAAA, then GAAB, and so on. By the time the sequence reached the 25th ship on the list, HMS Ranger, the unstoppable majesty of naval administration carried on regardless. This means that, to this day, a sleek grey messenger of death drives around the oceans announcing itself as “British and GAAY” (and probably very proud). And where does this warship spend its time? Well, rather appropriately, although the official base port is Portsmouth, it is currently a training vessel attached to the Sussex University Royal Naval Unit, which means that – uniquely in the Navy – it is actually based in Brighton. It is, quite literally, the “Pride” of the Fleet... [cue Village People, “in the Navy”]

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HMS_Ranger_(P293)

Yours

“Beelzebob-a-job”
( chthonic, Wed 7 Nov 2012, 17:54, 12 replies)

So, you're posting to say 'someone I know has no stories to tell'?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 7 Nov 2012, 18:01, closed)

Oh shush up husband
I liked this one.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 7 Nov 2012, 19:22, closed)

burnnnn!

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 13:02, closed)

Nope
He just wrote to us saying he couldn't post because of a government block.

Who am I to cast judgment on the quality of his ramblings?
Equally, who are you?
( chthonic, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:27, closed)

Try this one
jelly.b3ta.com/
Works for me.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 7 Nov 2012, 18:16, closed)

It's very kind of you to post a helpful link on a website the poor fucker can't read.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 7 Nov 2012, 19:53, closed)

I'm LOVELY like that Doc.
:D
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 7 Nov 2012, 20:31, closed)

*Smoke bomb*
:D
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 7 Nov 2012, 20:32, closed)

Looks like they need a bigger boat

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 7 Nov 2012, 19:41, closed)

So can anyone post their stories into
you now then cthonic?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 7 Nov 2012, 20:39, closed)

Mirrors aren't hard to find
but I guess using them from a military warship might be hard to explain away..

These days most of us get around our employers being draconian, fascist wankers by using our phones, but again that might not be applicable in your case
( Jahled Three shades of black, Wed 7 Nov 2012, 23:12, closed)

That's a page and a half
of text, basically saying 'The Navy have a ship with a funny callsign'.

12 years in the Navy, and that's the best boat story he could come up with?

Well worth relaying.
(username failed moderation, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:15, closed)