My family practically lived on toast and weak tea when I was a kid. Every meal that wasn't Cooked Dinner was toast and tea.
There was no cereal for breakfast, for example, as Mother pronounced it a 'waste of milk', or pork pie and salad for tea. Just toast.

So we became experts at toastmaking and often volunteered to watch the grill for siblings as it kept us warm in winter. (The kitchen fire was rarely lit, being a 'waste of coal'.)

Crusts would roll up at the corners and sometimes burn, because we toasted the white side first. However, one day I had the brainwave of toasting the BROWN side first. The toast did not curl. I was a genius.

I churlishly delined to share this revelation and for a while I basked alone in the glory of flat, un-corner-burned toast.

My triumph didn't last long after my brother sneaked up and caught me at it. Still, eh - I did it first.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 15:23, 12 replies)

I don't understand this at all.
Why did the bread have a brown and a white side?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 15:26, closed)

Crust.
One side - the crust - is brown, t'other white.

Or so I'm lead to believe - I only ever eat the two slices in the middle and then throw the rest away.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 15:28, closed)

Ah
Yes, I misinterpreted the line 'crusts would curl up at the corners'
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 15:32, closed)

Wastrel.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 18:14, closed)

...OK
so how did you toast / grill the slices from the middle of the loaf to prevent them from curling?
(bat_fudgie, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 22:05, closed)

either it was the heel of the loaf
or the whole story is some sort of mixed-race metaphor.
(richardm, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 15:29, closed)

Neapolitan bread?
Someone should patent this idea.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 18:05, closed)

Nah.
We'll end up with the strawberry bit in the middle that no-one ever eats...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 22:27, closed)

Racist.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 13:26, closed)

We used to have a bit of a
thing about who got the cream off the top of the milk on their cornflakes.

It was bad form to open a new bottle before the old one was finished, so timing was everything.

One morning I opened 3 bottles of milk, carefully drained the cream into another bottle, topped them up with normal milk and put the foil caps back on.

My older brother did his usual trick of grabbing a new bottle, and pouring it on his cornflakes. I nonchalantly grabbed my 'super milk' bottle, and did likewise.

I then told him what I'd done, with a smug grin. He punched me in the face.
(username failed moderation, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 9:33, closed)

you certainly used your loaf there

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 13:03, closed)

A half baked tale if ever I heard one

(AndyC4m Eject Eject [><], Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:34, closed)