weddings
My aunty got remarried in the mid 80's and I managed to get pissed and almost get off with the grooms 16 year old niece (I was 15/16 too!). The rest of my cousins remarked the wedding was getting like Dallas! "Welcome to the family, now can I get my hands on your tits?"

Sitting in the Church waiting for the bride, a friend of Mrs from Fife, to appear. Doors duely open and she walks to the front of the Church, stops next to the groom and one of her elderly aunties says, in a loud clear voice,"Wull, aye, she'll never be short of net curtains!"
The dress was a bit "over designed"

At another Fifers wedding, the service was in an old Nisan hut in some pokey wee town near Kirkaldy (Auchtershuggle? Bumfuck? Shagursister? who knows!)
Anyway, the service went ok, the meal went ok, then came the first waltz, except it wasn't it was something by Guns N Roses. Classy.

[But if you know Fife, wiping your dick on the curtains after sex is the of height sophistication!)

My cousins wedding should have won the prize for "Terrible omen and foreboding" when just after we got back to the hotel, her arsehole husband buggered off to go drinking with his friends somewhere else leaving her to their reception all on her own, and turned up at the end for his wedding night shag. She chucked him out 5 years later.

As a postscript I met him in a supermarket being rude to the staff. I told him to stop being an ignorant cunt or I would hit him, he left his shopping and stromed off. Sorry, Tesco staff who then had to put it all away but I did get rid of him.
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 18:17, Reply)