I propose a toast to the bride and FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!
Now ladies. Yes we know childbirth stings a little, but you do not know the meaning of pain. I was once bestist man at a mate's wedding. He was marrying this ugly bird who looked a bit like UglyDog, on the last newsletter. I was in the bog having a wazz and joking with this bloke about the bride's looks. Gurning Chimp was my favourite as far as I remember. I had just finished my piss and, still laughing, quickly done up my zip. Now due to the fact that I was as pissed as an innercity comprehensive school teacher, I had failed to pop my cock back home safely and zipped my cock up in the teeth of the zip. At least 12 teeth had embedded themselves in the skin of my knob and I had to take myself to A&E on the bus because no cunt would or could give me a lift. Bent over double, with a teatowel wrapped around my nudger, which was now bleeding like a stabbed cow. The zip was actually embedded in my knob-skin and had to be removed, (The zip that is, not my knob) They then had to pick out the zip teeth, one at a time with a small pair of pliers. If that wasn't enough they had to (you still with me?) stitch up my womb-ferret which now looked like something you would find in a butcher's dustbin with 12 bloody stiches mate! Pain!? Don't you fuckin' 'pain' me! 2 nurses holding me down. Having the stiches out a week later was no fucking holiday either. Best bit was, the doctor told me not to get a hard on as I would split my stitches. Well if you go to bed with the light off, you wake up with the hard........ NURSE!!!!!
Three times it had to be re-stitched!! Why couldn't that have happened to Johnathan King?
I promise. If I ever have to go to a wedding where a swamp pig is marrying a mate, I shall only speak kind words about her, even if she does resemble a prolapsed hippo arse.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 15 Jul 2005, 11:57, Reply)