Best man speech
Reposting hard for the first time

» Winging It

Best Man Speech
Many years ago now I was asked by my best mate to be his best man, in all honesty I was young probably about 22 years old, I drank a lot we dabbled rather often like in illegal substances (it's not big and it's not clever). The point is I was not exactly the most reliable person.

I did all the other prerequisites for a best man, organised a completely substandard stag do (mini bus to Liverpool city centre which resulted in most of us spending the night in cells).

It was a few weeks before the wedding and my and my mate went for a pint and we discussed the best mans speech, it suddenly dawned on me I had forgotten all about it, we had been friends for years and I just imagined that I would say a few bits off the top of my head and get away with it, then he told me that that's gonna be the focus point for everyone (he is in the army and a lot of squaddies were going to be in attendance).

Even the day before the wedding I had nothing, that night I got totally trashed with his squaddie mates and him, we say at about 4am and wrote what could possibly be the single most offensive piece of literature since the bible.

The day arrives, seriously hung over, start drinking very early and dabbling.

The moment comes, I stand up, I check my pocket the speech is there....relief....I open up the paper to see the compete and utter scrawlings of a drug fuelled alcoholic binged brain. Indecipherable characters that looked like something that would be found in a pyramid, huge CDC's all over it including the back that the whole crowd could see.

I paused, stuttered, took a deep breath and absolutely fucking nailed it. Well that's what everyone said. I can't even remember what I said at all, not one thing, but everyone bought me lots of drinks later including the father of the bride (phew) and patted me on the back and said it was the funniest thing they have ever heard.
They may have been lying but I don't care.

Does that count as winging it?
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 12:16, 3 replies)

wedding children's party.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 4 Nov 2014, 21:57, closed)

You win the 'being shit at replies' award.
Congratulations you win fuck all. Enjoy 200% of your prize
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 5 Nov 2014, 0:40, closed)

I don't think the wings
Will be enough to get this one off the ground; looks a bit weighed down by it's own concentrated smuggery.

Still, gold star for the MASSIVE DRUGS.
(RebelWithoutApplause My underestimation will almost be the death of me, Wed 5 Nov 2014, 10:33, closed)