Living in Redditch for a brief period
these were inevitable.

Wedding number 1. I was an onlooker as the "reception" was basically taking place in my local. Teenage groom, bride in her forties, I swear her (school age) children had tattoos, words were obviously exchanged at some point between the two families, it all kicked off. A guy I vaguely knew looked down (we were on the balcony) at the chaos. "Yossers" he said, quite rightly, he was later convicted of murdering his wife with a sawn-off.

wedding number 2. I worked with both M (female) and her bloke D, M was a bright young lady with great norks, D worked in the packing department, a complete piss-head who'd always miss at least one day a month due to drinking, in the mornings you could smell the cider on his breath. Everyone knew M could do better for herself, but she'd been going out with D since the year dot and probably thought she could improve him. Wrong.

At the wedding, D was obviously pissed, towards the end of the evening he came up to me. "You've always fancied M, haven't you?" he slurred. I did my best to make a non-committal comment, in case I was going to get a beating, yes I often wondered what those norks looked like, but had never taken it further.

"Well, I tell you what" D continued, "why don't you take her home and fuck her tonight, I've got my eye on the bridesmaid."

Tempting though this was, I declined. The marriage lasted six months, several years later D was hit by a car and killed as he staggered home from the pub.

I don't miss Redditch.
( I_Was_Mordred, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 8:37, 5 replies)

Henny Youngman?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 9:21, closed)

Shakespearian.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 20 Nov 2014, 9:40, closed)

Who was later convicted of murdering his wife with a sawn-off?
The groom or the guy you vaguely knew?
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 16:11, closed)

The guy I vaguely knew
He was an ice-cream van man. For Redditch, he was fairly articulate and philosophical. Apparently she had been letting another man put the special sauce into her cornet. Not a valid reason, of course, and given this was 20 years ago, he's probably out by now.

This is what the pub in question looks like now. Thank God they've demolished it: www.redditchstandard.co.uk/2012/08/03/news-Work-begins-on-Church-Hill-Centre-47079.html
( I_Was_Mordred, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 16:38, closed)

Surely
at a reddich wedding there'd only be one family there.... ;)
(bottle_cap, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 23:12, closed)