The wife
So, things seemed to be going okay after a seriously rocky patch. We'd been married for a year and a half (after being together for about 3 or 4) during which time she'd messed around with at least one of my friends, started a thing with a bloke she worked with, lied incessantly, gone through weeks where she'd start an argument every day literally on waking up, blamed me for everything, and generally turned me into a neurotic, untrusting wreck. Anyway, like I said things seemed to be working out - she'd broken it off with the bloke at work (she said), she was getting counselling, and we were even talking about kids.

So, one evening she's showing me all these sexy nighties she's just bought. That was nice. Then she cooked me a lovely dinner (still in the nightie). That was nice. Then as I was eating she sat across from me and said that she needed to break it off because it wasn't working and she needed to find out who she was...blah blah blah.

In fact, what she meant was that she wanted to get with the smarmy twat at work and that the counselling had basically just supported her insane view that all the lying and cheating was part of "growing as a person" rather than just, you know, selfish bitch type behaviour.

Anyway, after shouting at her for a bit I went for a walk, called a mate, went round his house and watched Saving Private Ryan. Try it if you get dumped by an idiot, it really puts things in perspective.

Don't ever marry a girl who was a virgin when you met them - even if they say you're "the one", the chances they've got all their shagging out of the way is very slim.

I am in no way bitter about that break-up.
( yes yes yes man oi mate, someone's writtten 'bum' on your neck, Fri 20 Apr 2007, 13:15, Reply)