My top 3.
I've got a few of these, now that I think about it.

WNTT (We Need To Talk) #1.
My grandmother's a lovely old thing, nuttier than squirrel shit, but nice. So during my visit to see her, this conversation ensued with her delightfully fractured English.
Gran: I you, talk now, yes?
Me: Sure gran, what do you want to talk about?
Gran: *holding my hands firmly and a serious look on her face* My birthday, you give me great-grand children, yes?

Somehow I managed not to laugh in her face.


WNTT #2
My mother (daughter of the aforementioned grandmother) has always been the shy type, especially on subjects relating to how the uh... finer points of the female body work once puberty hits.
Mum: is0lati0n, could we have a few words? Do you know what this is? *brandishing a (clean - why did I feel the need to point that out? Because you're filthy bastards) tampon as if it was a dead mouse*
Me: Mum, I'm 20. I've had my period for years.
Mum: Oh.

Thanks mum! Better late then never, right? Oh, I guess not.


WNTT #3
Ahh, finally one about an ex. It should be noted that this event was what started him stalking me. Let's call him Twat, since that's what he acts like.
Twat: Look, we need to talk.
Me: Fine, talk.
Twat: *insert some rant about how I'm so awful, blah blah blah, I've probably cheated on him... hang on, is that a scarf around his neck? In summer?*
Me: Sorry to interrupt, Twat, but well... *pulls off his scarf to reveal some rather nasty looking hickeys that I had nothing to do with* We need to talk.
Twat: Hold on, that has NOTHING to do wi...
Me: I'll see you later then? *goes home*

On second thought, perhaps saying I'd see him later really wasn't a good idea.



Length? Call me Vlad the Impaler.
( is0lati0n, Sat 21 Apr 2007, 0:57, Reply)