For those of you who have just arrived at work and live alone and cannot check.
YOU HAVE LEFT THE IRON ON/ DOOR UNLOCKED/ BEDROOM WINDOW OPEN

CAN ANYONE SMELL SMOKE?
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 15:09, 7 replies)

I don't iron. My front door has a Yale so I don't lock it to leave. Bedroom window open? If it was it would be bloody cold, but that's ok its cold anyway. As for burglars, I have a tan and black security guard.

Your move!
(tyrellsOwl, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 16:03, closed)

It's pretty sick of you to categorise your security guards by race like that
you should be ashamed
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 16:05, closed)

Black and Tan eh?
A lot of Irish republican burglars in your neighbourhood are there?
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 16:10, closed)

Allllright, your dog nipped past you on the way out this morning.
It may be freezing, running with the traffic and/or attacking children.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 16:12, closed)

Freezing no, attacking children, never. But chasing cars, that he probably would do. Shit. Good job I'm only a few minutes away now.
(tyrellsOwl, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 17:01, closed)

A neighbour once suggested that
"those foreign types the other side, watch out for them, they throw poisoned meat to dogs"
I'd already fallen out with those noisy Portuguese bastards many times often loudly at 3 AM and reported them to their landlord and though I doubted they be so unpleasant as to poison a dog for revenge I feared for my dog's life for ages after that.
It's not the real fear, it's the suggestion of what's possible that works best.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 17:22, closed)

set phasers to "left the oven on"
(weaselinajetengine, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 21:23, closed)