Getting out of RE homework
Long time lurker, first time poster etc.

This story concerns my friend Matt (for that is his name). In Year 7 or 8, we were given a short, simple piece of homework to do for RE. Now, the subject itself is a massive fucking joke, as is homework; but back then, we all saw it as really important, and feared the wrath (more than likely just a stern 'no excuse/you should have done it, you've had plenty of time' from the teacher) that would inevitably come from the teacher if we didn't get the homework done on time.

I got home, and did the homework; it took no more than ten minutes. It was some bullshit about Gandhi and the sanctity of life if I can remember. The next day, everyone's done it: bar Matt. He seems pretty calm about the whole thing though.

We get to RE, and we all give in our homework. The teacher gets to Matt, and stares at him, palm outstretched. Matt looks solemnly up at her.

"Miss, I haven't done it." Matt whimpers.

She sighs. "Why haven't you done it, Matthew?" She angrily asks, looking cross and more than a little bit pissed off.

Matt, rather than giving the general excuse of 'I forgot', comes out with the belter of an excuse: "My Dad died miss." He killed off a family member, just to get out of an insignificant piece of homework; a piece of homework, ironically, about the sanctity of life.

He played it off so well, and she bought it! She looked so sincere when she put her hand on his shoulder and gave her condolences. How Matt kept a straight face I'll never know. She must have been the most gullible teacher ever to walk the Earth (well, she is a Bible basher, so that speaks volumes) to think that someone would be in school the day after their Dad died.

So, Matt winged it by killing off a beloved family member to get out of homework...as a side note, in our leavers assembly, the speech I had written included many of Matt's bullshits (He claimed, among many other things, he can remember being a sperm), and the 'my dad died' story was in there. The teacher was at the assembly, and didn't look too pleased: in fact, she looked fucking pissed off.
(Sick Boy likes to swear a lot, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 19:49, 6 replies)

Seeing as this was RE
he could have got off the next weeks homework by telling her his Dad was resurrected.

Then the following week, etc etc. Could keep that going for years.
(username failed moderation, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 8:30, closed)

I bet parents evening was awkward

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 11:46, closed)

Funnily enough his Dad never showed up to parents evening again...

(Sick Boy likes to swear a lot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:02, closed)

He should have turned up in make up, red trousers and a red leather jacket

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:14, closed)

Or as a zombie

( Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 18:50, closed)

"can remember being a sperm"
that I'd like to hear!
( ferret -> twitter.com/syfyautocorrect <-, Thu 4 Apr 2013, 5:35, closed)