GOD!!! THEY'RE DOING A ROBBERY IN IT!!!
A few years back a thoroughly bored friend (Alex) and I decided to kill an afternoon checking out the end of degree fine arts show in the Salford Uni arts building. After a couple of hours of wandering through the studios staring at the 'Will this do?' style efforts of the students (I was an art student for five years so can spot art-wank bullshit in pitch darkness) we walked back to the car park and were confronted with a void where we had left Alex's off colour, F Reg, automatic Honda Civic slumped a while earlier.

Naively we at first thought it had been towed by security but after a quick word with the guy in the car park security booth ('I watched it being driven out, I remember thinking to my self "That's a nice car"' FFS plus it wasn't, it was shit) we were put right, called the police and wandered back home through the streets of Salford, which for those who don't know is akin to wandering through the set of Escape from New York.

After an hour or so of getting totally lost (and mildly terrified) we finally spotted a local shopping precinct that we recognised and headed for it, at which point Alex spotted his car driving around the roundabout and heading into the car park.

We sprinted towards the precinct and saw the car parked (and full to the brim with pinch faced scallies) by a bank of shops so Alex popped into a nearby phone box and called the police, whilst I stood outside keeping an eye on them (and sensibly, if not exactly bravely, failing to confront them). Just as Alex got connected to the dibble the guys all pulled up their hoods and the car sped past us, pulling to a screeching halt outside Burger King and emptying it's chavvy contents, armed with lengths of heavy pipe, through the doors.

I watched this unfold, slightly stunned, listening to the garbled soundtrack of Alex's phonecall...

'Some guys have stolen my car and I've just followed it to Salford precinct. They're parked...and now...GOD!! THEY'RE DOING A ROBBERY IN IT!!! BURGER KING!!! NOW!! IN FRONT OF ME!!! NOW!!! THEY'RE ROBBING BURGER KING!!! YES!!! NOW!!!'

A minute or so later they ran out, jumped in the car and pelted off at speed over the one way speed bumps (the wrong way), whilst Alex winced and groaned into the phone as his precious motor was savaged (it later turned up in a Salford back street, having been playfully mangled by it's thieving inhabitants).

We went to check on the people in Burger King to see if they were alright (which of course they were, such robberies being a regular occurrence) then spent the night giving statements and being teased with the idea of being able to flick through a big book of photos featuring notable low end crims.

Having reached the end I've realised that's not a very good anecdote.

There was also the time when a guy with a gun forced his way into the bar I was working in then made a swift exit out of the back doors by the stock room. Stupidly curious I followed after him (leaving a minute or so grace, I'm not THAT stupid) and discovered a couple violently bumming between the skips.

That is all.
(mudflaps, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:19, 5 replies)

3 in 1 !!!!!
Scallies, Guns and Bumming. Great stories.
(TheRiddler Hmmmmm... I concur., Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:23, closed)

Have a Click
for "Violently Bumming"

*image of cowboy bumming, shooting gun in the air while shouting "Yeeha!"*
(Nuclear Ninja like a radioactive Chuck Norris..., Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:34, closed)

I have to admit
Your short bumming story is a lot more entertaining, despite it's length-deficiency.
(irv made you eat your parents in a chilli on, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:55, closed)

It's okay
I admitted it too. I think it's better when slurred in person over the space of 90 seconds.
(mudflaps, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:59, closed)

I wonder...
Just how many times Salford will crop up in this QOTW?
(Psycorp603, Fri 15 Feb 2008, 8:36, closed)