I am gonna piss people off...
By telling two short stories.

1. While at school, our drama teacher took us all up to London to see a show. We went by train, and on the way home, around midnight, a homeless guy came up and told our teacher to give him his wallet or he would stab him.
Our teacher was not a big guy, and kinda camp. He said, and I quote "You are not having my wallet. For a start, I doubt you have a knife, and if you do, you will swipe, miss because you're drunk, fall down and I WILL kick you while you are on the floor"
Mr Hobo took this as a cue to leave, but then one particularly violent kid in our class kicked him so hard in the balls that he vomited, and we walked away.

2. My dad's company once did a WWII-themed trade show, where the employees dressed in various armed-forces uniforms. My dad was dressed as a Naval officer (same outfit as Richard Gere in 'An Officer and a Gentleman').
Whilst driving, a boy-racer cut him up really badly, so my dad thinks putting on his Naval officer hat would be a good idea. The boy-racer, sees this, pulls over, slows down at such a rate that he is hit by the car behind, which is in turn hit by the car behind, and so on. Dad didnt hang around to count how many cars were involved.

Length: Longer than I had planned
(bobman500 enjoys a grope as much as the next fella, Mon 18 Feb 2008, 14:41, 4 replies)

"you're"
= "you are"

Language is intricate and beautiful; might as well master it.

/being a pedantic cunt blog
( spacehog, Tue 19 Feb 2008, 1:26, closed)

I don't understand
why you think those stories will piss people off,
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 19 Feb 2008, 4:50, closed)

pissing people off
Because last time I posted two stories together a bunch of people moaned at me saying I should only post one.
And to 'spacehog', it was a quote, the teacher said "you are", so that's what I put down.
(bobman500 enjoys a grope as much as the next fella, Tue 19 Feb 2008, 12:35, closed)

So,
How do you explain the 'your' in

"miss because your drunk" then?

Sorry, I am a twat.
(Xstopher, Wed 20 Feb 2008, 16:59, closed)