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This is a question I witnessed a crime

Freddy Woo writes, "A group of us once staggered home so insensible with drink that we failed to notice someone being killed and buried in a shallow grave not more than 50 yards away. A crime unsolved to this day."

Have you witnessed a crime and done bugger all about it? Or are you a have-a-go hero?
Whatever. Tell us about it...

(, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 11:53)
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Bastard Police
As I have posted before my dad used to be a rozzer, in fact for many years he was the scenes of crime officer (CSI UK version - powder and sellotape for getting fingerprints!). So when any crime was committed he or one of his colleagues would be called up to go and collect the evidence and work with CID in order to crack the case. Bearing in mind he was in the force during the 70s and 80s things did resemble both Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes to some extent....

So one day a call came through for a SOCO (Scenes of Crime Officer) to go and deal with a suicide - someone had been found hanged in the local woods.

Sadly a not uncommon event, pretty routine, no particular rush but the deceased was still on the rope and needed to be taken down by the undertakers.

My dad gets in his van and drives off, parks up in the woodland car park where he's met by the uniform chaps who had been first on the scene.
"You took your bloody time!" Says the uniform, "Didn't they tell you it's a murder scene?"

My dad is puzzled at this - not what he's been told. "What makes you think it's a murder?"

"The note"


"Yeah, the body has a note in its hand - you'd better take a look, they've only just found it"

My dad is very suspicious now (although I must point out that it's my dad's normal habit to be suspicious - Jehoviah's Witnesses are obviously checking the house out for a burglary when they come around to hand out the Watch Tower. But I digress...).

He reaches the clearing where the poor bugger who has topped himself is still swinging in the light breeze. There, as he's been told, is a small scrap of paper sticking out of the dead man's clenched hand. My dad doesn't remove it at first, instead he carries out all the necessary work and has the body taken down so he can do whatever else he needs to do.
Finally the moment arrives...
He takes the cold dead hand in his own and slowly prises apart the fingers to retrieve the small scrap of paper...

Written upon it are a few words...XXXXXXXXXX did it.

The XXXXXXX? My dad's name.

And all he can hear is the sound of uniformed rozzers quietly pissing themselves.

(, Mon 18 Feb 2008, 20:39, 4 replies)
I'm married to an ex-SOCO's daughter. The F-in-L's usual trick was to come home to dinner and say something along the lines of "I've just scraped something like this off the pavement!".

Is it any wonder she's a vegetarian?

(, Mon 18 Feb 2008, 20:57, closed)
Fond memories...
of my dad getting a call out on a Sunday morning to a house fire fatality (I'm sure this only happened once or twice but my memory is that this happened on a weekly basis). He'd return late in the afternoon and refuse to eat roast pork....
(, Mon 18 Feb 2008, 21:08, closed)
..my dad was a SOCO too. And my mum was a casualty nurse.

I'd get both ends of any gory accidents..

Probably explains my apparently disconcertingly black sense of humour.
(, Mon 18 Feb 2008, 22:14, closed)
hee hee
imagine the shit that would have been stirred up if the victims family had found out!

ha ha unethical work-related tomfoolery ftw!
(, Mon 18 Feb 2008, 23:45, closed)

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