I witnessed a crimeFreddy Woo writes, "A group of us once staggered home so insensible with drink that we failed to notice someone being killed and buried in a shallow grave not more than 50 yards away. A crime unsolved to this day."
Have you witnessed a crime and done bugger all about it? Or are you a have-a-go hero?
Whatever. Tell us about it...
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chthonic, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 11:53)
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A tramp stole my clothesMe and my girlfriend don't have a washing machine in our flat so we have to use a launderette, which is a right pain in the arse. One evening, I go over, dump the clothes in a machine, go back home for 20 minutes then return to the launderette. While this is going on my girlfriend's cooking.
I transfer the clothes to the dryer, and as I'm walking out I see this incredibly dodgy looking smelly tramp bloke walk into the launderette.
I leave, stand outside, call my girlfriend and say, "there's an incredibly dodgy looking smelly tramp bloke in the launderette, and I'm worried he's going to nick my clothes." She says, "Oh I've just put delicious dinner on the table, and I'm topless and massaging butter onto my wonderful breasts." (I might have added a bit there, just for artistic license).
I look back and tramp bloke is sat down by the dryers, so I think, "he's probably just waiting for some drying." I head off back home and eat some delicious food and help my girlfriend rub butter onto her breasts (again, artistic license).
Head back to the launderette with the smell of Anchor still lingering on my fingers. Enter Launderette. Dodgy man no longer there. Walk to dryer, look in laundry bag. There are clothes in there. Dirty, filthy, stinking, shit-stained tramp clothes. Look in dryer, my nice new, clean, Christmas-present clothes are all gone. Fucking bastard arsehole tramp.
I spent the next half an hour trying to track down said tramp, going to all the dodgiest places in our neighbourhood and asking a lot of shady characters if they'd seen a tramp with a bag of clothes, Charles Bronson style. But then I realised the sales were on and I could so do with a new wardrobe anyway.
PS. I know this isn't technically witnessing a crime, but I did see the bit before and the bit after.
PPS. I realised also I was a total knob-end.
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krang, Mon 18 Feb 2008, 23:23,
2 replies)
...ahhhso when did you realise you were a total knob-end? Before or after?
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Adolf Jitler is editor of Practical Shoelace Collector, Tue 19 Feb 2008, 0:25,
closed)
you knew it was going to happen so that makes you not very on the ballbut the artistic license was great.
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flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 19 Feb 2008, 2:15,
closed)
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