Interesting mugger
Huzzah, first post, b3ta cherry popped and all that.

Here's the first story I've got. This was about a year and a half ago, back when I was halfway through my first year of university. I'm up in Chester, which is famed for being small and sleepy and very quiet. Or so I thought until one night out. There are only two nightclubs that are worth going to in Chester, and one of them is stretching the "worth going to" part. It's absolute shit and is famed in my year of uni for having had several of our people mugged and raped in the bogs.

But anyway, I digress. This story is not about how I witnessed the rape or the muggings in the club.

Coming out of one of the clubs, after having a generally fun time drinking whatever I can get my grubby student mitts on, I'm ever so slightly tipsy ;) and feeling the urge for some nice greasy chicken from the kebab shop. So instead of getting the taxi back home, I toddle off to the kebab shop to acquire sustenance.

About halfway to the kebab shop, I'm starting to sober up, although I'm still fairly off my rocker, and see a rather large, as in taller and built like a brick sh!thouse, gentlemen accost a smaller man and start saying things like "Kind sir, please hand over your wallet of valuables and mayhaps that telephoning device you have?" or words to that effect. Now, being a fairly naive and young GhostAtreides, I still had a sense of honour and morality at that point, so, in my inebriated state, I lurched towards the mugger and muggee to see what I could do to mediate in the situation.

The mugger sees me lurching towards the pair of them, and starts telling me to kindly fornicate off and to fornicate myself amongst others, from what I recall. I don't, and instead yell "Go fuck yourself, you fucking twunt!" (Yes, I had been lurking on B3ta for a good long while) and take a swing at said large gentleman. I miss. Whoops. Said large gentleman takes a swing at me. He misses too. Although, I hear a loud metallic bang, a nasty crunching sound and a scream like a little girl from the mugger.

Yes, the silly cnut had missed me and punched a lamppost as hard as he could. And broken his hand spectacularly. It was at this point that the muggee decided that now would be a good time to practice his long distance running technique, and so, shot off into the distance. I decide to kick the mugger in the soft bits as he's clutching his hand and then scarper for the kebab shop and leave him writhing in agony on the floor.

Length and girth? It wasn't much after he thumped that lamppost, I'm telling ya. Silly bastard had done some proper damage to himself.

If anyone wants the second story of how I got mugged for something really daft, reply and ask for it.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Tue 19 Feb 2008, 15:43, 4 replies)

chester isnt all that bad....
i lives near chester and work and play in chester, what clubs do you go to?
(Serbitar Has a furry shit canon called Whitey., Tue 19 Feb 2008, 16:43, closed)

I'm also
in Chester, I take it that the nightclub you're talking about is RBs? It wouldn't surprise me.
Chester's not that bad if you're with a group and are pretty drunk
(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Tue 19 Feb 2008, 17:30, closed)

Clubs and stuff
Brannigans is the club I'm on about. RB's is the better club of the two, when we were warned to stay away from Brannigans basically apart from going on student night. And Chester's not bad, I absolutely love the place considering I'm from Swindon, but lately it's just become chavified a bit.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Tue 19 Feb 2008, 22:03, closed)