There seem to be a lot of stories involving moronic muggers
So I thought I'd add my own.

Unfortunately i've had my fair share of run-ins with chavs in my area (the wonderful cultured ruin known as Watford), and i'm not exactly the type who can give them the beating they deserve and seem to be constantly on the lookout for. On the other hand I try to remain unphased when attacked and usually this does the job, as they're generally out for a fight or just trying to intimidate you into giving them free loot. Most of the time they give up when they realize you're not bothered, but one time in particular sticks in my mind.

He was an ugly motherfucker, and he had a few drunken girls in tow which seems to make them more violent as they want to look tough. I just wanted to get the fuck out of there as I had my mums video camera in my bag, and she didn't know I had taken it, so i'd have been in the shit if I had lost it.

So when he started pushing me around and requesting said bag, I just told him to fuck off back to wherever he had crawled from and walked away, int he hope he'd take his prompt.

Instead, he caught up to me, and spat words to the effect that he was offering me some free facial reconstruction for my efforts.

Then he headbutted me.

Now i'm no expert, but in my experience the correct way to headbutt someone is not to forcably apply your nose to the victims forehead, but this, dear readers, is what he did. The next thing I know he was writhing around while I shrugged and again tried to walk away, and his bitches staggered about yelling "Fucking twat 'im gary".

So the chump swung at me blearily, not wanting to let his hoes down in the heat of the moment, and caught me full on in the mouth.

It didn't hurt but I had a strong taste of blood and thought i'd seen enough for the night, so I pushed him away (again he seemed to be writhing in agony) and did a runner.

When I got home, I checked and found I was completely unscathed, and then realized that the blood was not mine.

I have a full brace.

What a fucking prick. Hope it hurt.
(Roopy all is not what it seams, Tue 19 Feb 2008, 20:15, 3 replies)

I hope
you disinfected your mouth very well after that encounter!
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Wed 20 Feb 2008, 2:21, closed)

Indeed...
That may well count as the good AIDS but it's not as fun as it sounds.
(Milo Minderbinder, Wed 20 Feb 2008, 16:37, closed)

oh great....
... and i was going out in watford this friday night for the first time :S

maybe i should invest in a brace :)
(Emily Salvage, Thu 21 Feb 2008, 0:47, closed)