The claw is your master!

So, 'Toy Story' had just come out and I was working in the absolute shittiest of my shitty, shitty early-twenties-and-all-I-want-is-beer-money jobs. To keep ourselves sane between 'No I don't want to do a market research survey on the phone, fuck off' conversations, my colleague Lex and I had started playing 'The claw is your master!'. Pretty simple - smuggle a post it note with the words 'The claw is your master!' scrawled on it into the opponents possessions - wait for the opponent to discover it - trill 'The claw is your master!' at them in the manner of the little three-eyed vending machine dwelling aliens in the aforementioned animated film. I know, I know, it sounds fucking lame - and I have no clue why we latched onto that particular phrase - but the cackles came from the increasingly devious places we found to secrete our little notes. Sure - we started out simple, just spamming each others paperwork. I then escalated: Lexor leaves the office on a rainy afternoon only to find the inside of his umbrella coated with claw-missives, and, whilst swearing on the pavement, is serenaded with 'The claw is your master!' from an attic window. Fine - he cuts out a precisely measured circle of post-it, be-claws it, laminates it, and wedges it in the bottom of my coffee cup: *glug* - *splutter* - "BASTARD!" etc etc. Within a couple of weeks we've both gone seriously Howard Hughes - paranoia, hawk-like mutual surveillance and bladder-straining refusal to go to the toilet unless the other was going as well. Whatever - it passed the fucking time. But eventually one of us was going to go too far - whether they intended to or not.

God knows how he got into my flat. But get in he did - teaching me a valuable lesson in the process. Specifically: even if you've got a woman you've just met in a club back to your bedroom, AND persuaded her to get her knockers out, she will not shag you if she slides under the duvet and suddenly finds herself stuck to 200+ post-it notes all informing her that something referred to as 'The claw' is now her 'master'. Instead she will run for the fucking hills.

Thanks Lex. Thanks a bunch.
(scunnydelight, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 0:05, 9 replies)

The Claw!
uk.youtube.com/watch?v=W9t5ZqeHcYk
( Amos E Wolfe makes vinyl signs and things like that, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 0:16, closed)

Nice one
I think all the best answers to this could also fit in the 'going too far' QTOW
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 0:22, closed)

ok.
that's just teh awesum.
totally.
(fai is rocking khaz modan server as of, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 2:08, closed)

Welll
The claw does choose who will go and who will stay.....
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 9 Jan 2009, 3:38, closed)

This is awesome!
Good chuckles. *click*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 7:38, closed)

Excellent stuff
The first QOTW that I've laughed out loud at in weeks.
*clicks*
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:49, closed)

*Click!*
I wouldn't have run away though...I likes a sense of humour..
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:45, closed)

Of course
for the ultimate win, having 'The claw is your master' written across her chest as you slowly ripped her clothes off would have worked too!
(MadBouncyDog Barking at the moon since, Sun 11 Jan 2009, 19:28, closed)

Nice
Just made me get the giggles in the middle of a busy office and my colleagues are now edging away from me slowly...
(Sahara Desert http://www.twitter.com/thesaharadesert for swears, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:03, closed)