I do not work in a bar.
I am currently a lazy student type, and so spend a lot of time in pubs. However, if you do work in a pub, here's one for you.

Our local is a nice wee place, if a little boring. Most of the time there's less than 10 folk in there, and sometimes boredom can reach wrist slashing proportions. Something had to be done. That something, ladies and gentlemen, was Juke Box Buckaroo.

Despite being a miner's welfare in a tiny rural village, the club is well maintained and, surprisingly, has a fantastic juke box. It's connected to the web, and has an amazing range of weird and wonderful songs with others only a few requests away. The regulars, all of them silver haired, argue and deride each other for their choices, some like the Shadows, others hate Dire Straits in favour of teh Quo. Sometimes they become so mouth-frothingly enraged at a song that their eyes bulge.

Enter a small band of trusty saboteurs and let the game begin.

The rules are simple and can be tailored to any pub. Simply try to sneak the most outrageous, rotten or misplaced tune under the radar of the locals. If anyone notices and complains, you lose, but bonus points are scored if someone else gets the blame. If the song sneaks past unnoticed it's a win. There really is a huge amount of enjoyment in seeing a band of half pissed old guys arguing about horse racing while MC hammer croons in the background.

Some epic wins have included The Prodigy-Charly (during an old folks tea dance at the break), Rolf Harris, and one hilarious moment where I sat sniggering as 6 old dears danced around the snooker table to Priestess - Lay Down, saying "Oooh that's that Guns 'n' Roses".

Epic fails include The Pogues (in a pub in a big Rangers supporting area, bit risky *thumbs nose at bigots*) and one occasion where my mate played a 3 tune Rolf Harris medley. The complaints began halfway throuh "The Court of King Caractacus", continued through "Jake The Peg" and reached a crescendo as "Big Dog" began, but halfway through the song there was a power cut. Imagine our glee as the power came back on and the jukebox replayed all three songs.

They love us really.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Sat 10 Jan 2009, 15:14, 7 replies)

try
coil - anal staircase

gets 'em every time.
(imallamallama looking forward to llamageddon on, Sat 10 Jan 2009, 19:03, closed)

Ah, the internet jukebox..
..my local has just had one installed.

Putting on Squarepusher at 7pm on a Monday gets you not a few odd looks, especially if you follow it with the Smiths' "Hand in Glove" and anything by Cypress Hill.
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Sat 10 Jan 2009, 19:48, closed)

Are you in Glasgow?
If so tell me where so I can play this too!
(Judge Society would be a pexagram, Sat 10 Jan 2009, 23:35, closed)

At a guess
I'd say he was somewhere in Lanarkshire.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 12 Jan 2009, 13:06, closed)

This is a game...
...that I usually end up playing unwittingly. Favourite response had to be from a monosyllabic meathead loudly questioning "what sort of cunt puts this fucking shit on in the pub" when 'The Wolf is Loose' by Mastodon came on. I owned up as well, and he proceeded to try and convince me that Madness are the best band ever. So I put on a fiver's worth of the heaviest tracks I could find. Stick that in your novelty pseudo two-tone hat, you smug cunt.
(Nimrod's Son Boredom provokes some interesting habits..., Sun 11 Jan 2009, 16:18, closed)

Our local
we had a war with a guy. He'd put on stuff like The Smiths, Stone Roses, Oasis etc, we went for Slayer, The Wildhearts, Motorhead etc. I feel we won (morally at any rate). The highlight was a rousing rendition of "Gay Bar", with dancing.
(kitescreech still here, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 8:17, closed)

Oh yes
Favourite trick at uni was to turn up to the metal pub 15 minutes before the Röck Söc had its weekly pubmeet.

For some bizarre reason the jukebox had 79 metal CDs, plus Vivalid's Four Seasons as played by NIGE. 50p for four tracks. There are four seasons and they last about an hour together.

For £2 you could pretty much guarantee they wouldn't be hearing any metal that evening.
(ChaRleyTroniC is invincible with his chips and cheese, Mon 12 Jan 2009, 23:25, closed)