Work Games
I work in a supermarket which can,if i'm brutally honest,be mind-numbingly fucking dull.However there are ways to alleviate the tedium,my favourite being this.
This game can be played alone,but is better with an audience and has but two simple requirements.
1)An aisle busy with customers.
2)A gut full of beer farts (we have found that stella produces the most noxious odour).
Simply stroll down the aisle as though busy with your work,whilst secretly releasing as many trouser coughs as possible.They must be inaudible above the ambient noise or you will be rumbled.At the end of the aisle about turn and watch with barely disguised glee as the customers first begin to catch scent of your air crimes and then start looking accusingly at each other,unaware of the real culprit.
We've been doing this for as long as i can remember and it never ceases to brighten up the day.
So the next time you catch whiff of something foul in your local supermarket,look out for a smirking member of staff not too far away,they are the guilty party.
(yob soddoth happiness is a Dane called Hamlet?, Sat 10 Jan 2009, 17:57, 7 replies)

Can we have an anti-click button?
You disgust me. Why inflict that unpleasantness on people who are shopping for food, for heaven's sake? At a DIY store it might be mildly funny; at a supermarket, you deserve the sack.
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Sat 10 Jan 2009, 19:19, closed)

Your disgust disgusts me
Look around - this is B3ta, not responsiblecitizens.co.uk.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 10 Jan 2009, 21:35, closed)

On the contrary...
I maintain there's a fine line between humour and being a twat.

Although I might not be the best representative, as I have been known to tightrope-walk that line myself.
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Sun 11 Jan 2009, 0:29, closed)

There's nothing wrong
with a few farts. Get off your high horse.
(Ellinikos contains a source of phenylalanine, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 6:00, closed)

You win
Purely because of the phrase "air crimes"
(triley, Sun 11 Jan 2009, 23:47, closed)

it's called 'crop dusting'
and i find a combination of jack daniels,scrumpy cider & a fry up, washed down with a coffee produces the best air biscuits. chewy, almost visible.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 12 Jan 2009, 15:23, closed)

*spoik*
A 'friend' once made me literally vomit in the street while walking in front of me and emitting what I can only describe as Sarin gas.
(kebabking - salad and garlic mayo pls, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 11:36, closed)