Training Day Fun
I've had the pleasure of working for lots of different companies in lots of different offices. There's always a subtle difference from company to company. Some have blue carpets, some have red carpets, some have big pot plants, some have god-awful modern art wank on the walls etc. But without question dispite these momentous differences every firm has had one ball-shudderingly tedious event in common: The sales training day.

This is basically when you get a bunch of gobshites in a room and have some overpaid moron, usually in a bad polyester suit, telling them how to be more empowered, how to push things to the max, how to achieve their ultimate life goals using a maximum potential differential ratio, and other such useless made-up guff.

I always enjoy these training days. Yes, they're tedious, but I'm getting paid. And if I wanted to get paid for something I enjoy doing my cock would probably have fallen off by now. So I'll take my chances having some oddball treating me like a mental patient for the day. Beats the hell out of working for a living.

The training day is an excuse to have a bit of fun. Once, I actually got expelled from one of the courses. The trainer asked me to leave and gave me a look as if I'd just got my cock out and dangled it over the cot of her firstborn.

The reason I got asked to leave was as follows...

We file in, sit down, talk some bollocks, as sales people do in a getting-to-know-you vein.

Then the trainer asks us to answer three questions with one word answers. She would then go round the room and see what amusing anecdotes we, as a group could come up with. This is called ice-breaking, apparently.

So, she starts with a few of the newer sales force who appear to be getting into it. Oh, how we chuckled. Then, I think she must've seen the look of cynicism in my eye as she pointed a finger at me and said:

'Errm, Mr Hanky, could we have your effort please.'

And I leveled her with my patent pending steely-eyed gaze and retorted.

'COCK.

MUNCHING.

BASTARD...'

And that was when I was asked to leave. Ree-sult!!!

That was a hard one to explain to my boss, but she actually saw the funny side and let me sit at my desk and pretend to work while the rest of the 'team' endured a day of this useless bollocks.

And the three questions we had to answer???

What bird would you be if you could be a bird?

What activity do you enjoy the most in your spare time?

If somebody could discribe you in one word, what word would that be?

Oh, happy days!!!
( SpankyHanky, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:50, 9 replies)

I have
tears of laughter running down my face at the moment.

Thank you.
(Blue_in_Exile, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:56, closed)

Oooh Lawdy!!
Awesome stuff sir! I salute you.


*click*
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:01, closed)

Well done there.
That'll learn 'em.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:11, closed)

Ha!
Also:

TIT
WANKING
PERVERT
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:15, closed)

Ha!
Well said that man! Sometimes these people need to think about these purile exercises before they put them into practice. Bloody training people. Souless and utterly pointless.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:21, closed)

:)
Another good bird to cite would be Booby, so I'll go with:

BOOBY
TESTING
AFICIONADO
(annexed, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 17:29, closed)

I lol'd.
*click*
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 14 Jan 2009, 20:38, closed)

But I don't understand how..
There's always money for these soul destroying "training courses"? No one ever goes on one unless they fancy a day away from their desks, no one ever learns anything, and companies, and local authorities shell out in their millions..

Must be 'cos they're a laugh...

Can't think of an answer for me that doesn't have "cock" in it...

/cringes towards exit..
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 11:33, closed)

One of the
fuckwits who was running one of these courses once told me the company I worked for was paying him a cool fifteen grand for a weeks work. Its just fucking wrong! If I remember rightly we spent the week making objects d'art out of fucking clay. Clay! Sheeshhh!
( SpankyHanky, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 11:40, closed)