Virgin Media
The people who work on Virgin Media's helpline, all of them. If I wanted to to hear "have you tired switching it off and switching it back on again?" repeatedly, in a funny accent, I'd watch The IT Crowd.

"Helpline" is a misnomer in this case. They are no help, therefore it should just be called "line"
(ScousersPet, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 15:31, 17 replies)

I have had some good experiences with them. However...
...the last one I talked to didn't know what DNS was. Probably true of a few people reading this, but then you aren't being paid to sort out internet problems, are you?

When I realised I was having to teach her how the internet worked, I thanked her for being no use at all, and hung up. I hope that was one of the recorded calls...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 16:08, closed)

I'm not racist, but...
... what I found was that the UK staff knew what they were talking aboutm, but the offshore staff just read out the script they had been given and couldn't deviate from that.

One part of a conversation went:
Call centre muppet: "Can you please click on the Start button"
Me: "If you are about to tell me to shut my computer down and then switch it back on, don't bother, I've tried it a couple of times and it doesn't work"
CCM: "Okay. Now click on Shutdown"
Me: "Can you put me through to the Uk call centre?"
CCM: "Have you clicked on shutdown? Can you now press the powerbutton on your computer?"
(ScousersPet, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 16:31, closed)

www.b3ta.com/questions/worstpersonforthejob/post1721509
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 16:43, closed)

No I'm not!
I started what I said with "I'm not racist but..." so that means I can't be racist, no matter what i say after that.
(ScousersPet, Fri 7 Sep 2012, 9:40, closed)

Sadly
That's a function of being in a call centre, not a function of location. The only reason your experience of their UK "call centre" is more useful is that it isn't really a "call centre" at all, but an office where the tecchies who actually understand the systems work.

They need to have a filter between them and the general customer queries that involve nothing more complicated than switching the fucking box on, plugging in the ethernet cable, etc. Otherwise they'd never have any time to fix real problems or develop new or improved systems.

Profit-making businesses being what they are, these places will be call centres staffed by people who, even if they have a clue what the solution is, are rewarded and/or disciplined depending on how closely they stick to a script on a screen. No matter where in the world they get sited.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Fri 7 Sep 2012, 12:06, closed)

With Virgin Media
it depends on the time of day you call. Call at peak times and your call goes to unskilled script reader in asia. Call off peak and you get skilled UK engineer who you can talk to about all manner of in-depth technical issues. Either way, if you ask "Are there any faults in my area" both will find some fault that has been going on for ages that you can say is effecting you, then complain and get free internet. Rinse and repeat every month.
(BadgerSmaker, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 15:47, closed)

racist

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 16:36, closed)

They are shit
So shit in fact that I had to cancel the entire service because they were giving me a brain mental. I may as well have asked my neighbours dog for a decent lemon souffle recipe
(Ovon Bort Wondering why he chose this username, since 1999, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 18:46, closed)

Last line
I used to call the Helpdesk at work the Desk, coz it was no help :)
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 19:00, closed)

Our helpdesk...
... rebranded themselves as "the servicedesk". Even the servicedesk manager still refers to them as "the desk"
(ScousersPet, Fri 7 Sep 2012, 9:38, closed)

Sadly...
Turning it off and on again does fix 99% of computer related problems. Why people don't try it before speed-dialling the helldesk is beyond me.
(Bad Monkey hasn't had an abusive gaz since, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 19:46, closed)

Well aware of that...
I manage clinical IT systems and, when we get users ringing up with prpoblems, most of them go away (the problems, not the users) when we get the user to log out and log back in again.

And the problem was that, a couple of times, they'd say "switch it off and switch it back on again. has that fixed it? No? Okay, switch it off and switch it back on again. Has that fixed it?" repeatedly without atually offering any form of solution to the problem.
(ScousersPet, Fri 7 Sep 2012, 9:35, closed)

Yup.
I had an issue with our service, 'phoned them up, and they said, "Oh yes - you'll need to speak to this department - call the following number:"

So I said "Could you put me through, please?"

"No you'll have to call yourself."

"Hang on - you're a multi-media company, and you don't have the technology to put me through to a different department in the same company?!"

And their bloody website - yes I understand that FAQs are cheaper than employing people, but MINE ISN'T ON THERE. YOU CUNTS!

Oh bollocks I'm going to have to go and have another crank now.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 7 Sep 2012, 9:12, closed)

We phoned once
To get some info about Their upcoming TiVo service, seeing as the website had some glitzy fucking video and no useful information whatsoever, and the div on the end of the line asks us to wait a while, and promptly signed into their website and watched the video himself. He had no fucking clue what we were talking about. TiVo may well be the future but they can still wedge it up their arse.
(Ovon Bort Wondering why he chose this username, since 1999, Fri 7 Sep 2012, 19:25, closed)

Virgin media
I found that if you called during office hours on a weekday you would get through to someone in the UK and at this point you had a fair chance of getting something done about your problem. I was getting very slow internet speeds despite paying for their top package. I know a bit about computers but not a massive amount so called the hell desk on a Saturday morning. I went through the usual scripted stuff with the nice Indian lady that i was put through too and after turning the pc off and on again I was gobsmacked to be told that as people were doing work outside my house on the lines it would affect my internet speed. This lady was adamant that workmen were ripping up the cables as we were speaking despite the fact that no one was doing any such thing. She refused to accept that i could see my road better from my first floor window than she could from Calcutta.
Mind you none of the buggers wherever they are from will ever admit that their service uses traffic management
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 10 Sep 2012, 9:37, closed)

I'll jump on this bandwagon. Racist me up please...

After having several painfully unhelpful conversations with the first line support people, I also found that when I was handed over to the UK office my issue would invariably be resolved. I believe that the UK techie call centre must be in Scotland as all of the people who knew what they were doing spoke were sweaties.

It was with a heavy heart, as I was more than aware of the inherent racism in my comment who was trying their best, but once, after a particularly frustrating conversation with first line support I found myself saying:

"I'm sorry, but can you put me through to somebody Scottish please?"

They did, and my problem was sorted.

Flushed with power this new found racism, I shaved my head, joined the BNP and went on a murderous rampage. I blamed Virgin Media.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Tue 11 Sep 2012, 10:01, closed)

what shinyscalp said
Its just unfortunate that the people who are employed in the overseas call centre aren't properly trained to solve the problems
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 11:56, closed)