drunken cookery is all about doing it wrong
but, just occasionally, getting it right.
we've all done it, haven't we? come home from the pub, pissed and hungry, when suddenly we get hit by food-based inspiration. yes! make bacon in the kettle! noodles, too! student digs? no problem! make cheese toasties with the iron!
yes, i've tried them all. the most "wrong" ones i've tried were cornflake fairy cakes(cornflakes burn in the oven) and chicken mash. just because instant mash is usually made with hot water, this DOES NOT MEAN that it'll taste better and work just as well if you make it with hot chicken soup.
trust me, just don't.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 15:50, 11 replies)

I think it was FHM
that used to run a 'Drunken Cooking' column, mostly involving nothing more elaborate than a sandwich toaster and/or a microwave.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 16:15, closed)

sandwich toaster and a microwave?
unambitious bastards
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 18:33, closed)

I once made flapjacks whilst pissed
Everyone enthused about how lovely they were, and I was happy.

Tried to eat one the next day, and nearly cried as I felt my teeth decay. When I checked, it turned out I'd pretty much quadrupled the sugar and syrup, whilst increasing nothing else.

Baaaaad mistake.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 16:18, closed)

my teeth are curling in sympathy :(

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 18:32, closed)

I made some a few days ago
I used a decent recipe I found, but with the specified butter content replaced with vegetable-based alternatives to make it "Marge-inally" healthier, and no salt because you don't need it. (From memory: 60g butter, 40g Margarine, 100g brown sugar, 2 Tablespoons golden syrup, 250g oats, optional extras and pinch of salt. Melt fats in pan on stove, add sugars, stir in oats and extras, then spread into tray and bake around 200c for 20m. Recipe is quite error-tolerant, although going as far as 4x the sugar will break it; quantities listed makes one small tray, but scales up well.)

The "Plus dried vine fruits and mixed peel" batch was quite good, as ever; although tends to go slightly dry and crumbly, I assume the fruit soaking up the limited moisture. Will try to fix this in future efforts.

The innovative "Plus Little Marshmallows" batch, not so much. It turns out that, no matter how carefully you stir them into the mix while on the stove; in the heat of the oven they just melt. In doing so, they turn the whole slab into something cloyingly sweet; and so adhesive it sticks to greaseproof baking paper, welds itself to exposed baking tray, and clings to your mouth if you manage to salvage a paper-free serving.

Won't be trying that one again.
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 2:15, closed)

you shouldn't
marshmallows are rank
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 17 Jul 2010, 19:17, closed)

Tried freezing the marshmallows beforehand?
Might work
( Pretender, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 19:11, closed)

Discovering the evidence in the morning...
I realised that, once when horribly pissed, I had taken a makes-a-pint packet of spring vegetable soup powder and added just enough hot water to turn into an intense spring vegetable paste. And ate nearly all of it.
(Sinister Carp doesn't mind the gap, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 16:33, closed)

tried that myself
it tastes salty as fuck like that, but it can be spread on a buttered baguette
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 18:11, closed)

You can cook hamburgers in a toaster.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 16:54, closed)

yes
if you want it to drip grease :(

then again, burger-flavoured toast!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 18:11, closed)