I'm still doing it wrong....
There is something that I have always wanted to do, and tried on many occasions, but just seem utterly incapable of achieving. And that, boys and girls, is to get stoned.

From the first few furtive puffs on an incredibly poorly-rolled, mostly baccy joint at house parties in my teens (although in retrospect that was probably cos it was grass, or moss, or friggin' coriander for all I knew) through to lying on carribean beaches smoking with crack-addicted rastas, I just seem totally unable to get high.

I've been told that it's cos I don't inhale properly. How exactly I have managed to survive my quarter-century on this earth without expiring of asphyxiation I'm not quite sure, but somehow whenever there is THC in my inhalations my throat comes over all puritan and screams "Nay! We shall not suffer such impurities about our persons! Begone foul bringer of mellowness and munchies!".

I'm not that fussed about it, though it does seem fun, and it's always a bit weird when I'm at a friends place and there's a spliff doing the rounds and I'm the only person who declines. I used to partake and pretend a bit but I can't be arsed now. Plus I tend to bum it.

The thing that really bugs me is that everyone else seems to be able to do it. I see chavs on the street who can barely string together a sentence who seem to manage! Hmmm, although we may be into a chicken/egg thing here. Anyway, it's not the not being able to get high that bugs me so much as not being able to do something that for the rest of the world seems as easy and natural as wiping ones arse.

Hmmmm, not sure whether to round off with a length gag or a MASSIVE DRUGS!!11! On reflection, I think I'll go with a pre-emptive Fuck you AB! :P
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:54, 12 replies)

Haha drugs fail

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:56, closed)

eat a spacecake

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:59, closed)

eat a spacecake give up trying to be down with the cool kids and accept your inevitable destiny of being a cardigan wearing mortgage salesman
( broadsword w⚓, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 16:01, closed)

tehe, you're not far off
when I first got the peep show box set my internal monologue started warping into Mark. Initially just the odd phrase, then the rhythm of the words and finally the voice in my head was his as well. I confessed this and was forced to watch Californication instead, as he was 'cooler'. Didn't make me any cooler but it exorcised Corrigan at least.
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 16:19, closed)

Some people are just immune to certain drugs.
Psychoactive ones included. It's genetic. I don't know if they get metabolised like that *snaps fingers* or just not taken up in the first place, but these unfortunate individuals can smoke all day and not get high, drink all day and not get pissed, or, occasionally, fail to respond to rather more vital drugs like SSRIs. See also anaesthetics, and patients who obstinately refuse to pass out.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 16:19, closed)

When I was a youngster I couldn't get drunk no matter how hard I tried, true story
However, many years of hard work and keeping the dream alive, plus massive drugs, have made me the alcoholic I am today.

I can now get drunk at the drop of a hat, especially if it's a sexy hat.

Kids, if the drugs aren't working, keep trying, you'll get there in the end.
( broadsword w⚓, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 16:26, closed)

^this
tried tablets and trips many years ago, neither affected me unless i was stoned first.
don't bother with that shit now.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 20:02, closed)

Yes, indeed
I'm a fine example of this, both in the recreational and the medicinal. Such as when I had my wisdom teeth out -- Valium, intravenous and the laughing gas, and I still came to just as they were finishing.
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 21:51, closed)

I have this with cocaine.
Tried it twice. Absolutely no reaction, either time. Decided to sod it.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 20:22, closed)

A 'bucket'
is what you need. Goggle it. It works.
(mersault, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 21:23, closed)

I thought I was the only one!
Oh my god, I have also tried a few times to no avail, I thought I was the only person in the whole world who could not get stoned!

Yay for me, I am not the only spacktard! (Sorry!)

I feel very relieved now. That may have made my day :)
(Magrat rockin' your undies since, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 3:44, closed)

"S", a friend of mine had the same problem.
He would toke like a Rasta', hold it, the whole nine yards - nothing.
One day a bunch of us, S included, were smoking and playing darts (501).
I was keeping score on a piece of paper, but was somewhat 'distracted'.
S, straight as ever, was concerned that the game seemed to be going on forever and decided to check the scores.
On discovering that at some point, for some inexplicable reason, I had started adding instead of subtracting, he became hysterical - and never looked back!

Bugger - this would have made a good QOTW answer and now I've wasted it!

Hang about...
(minimalist ..., Tue 20 Jul 2010, 0:41, closed)