http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/
Example:

(734): Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
(734): Have a good day. My vagina shrank.

:)
( Darklord, Mon 18 May 2009, 3:10, archived)

oh

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 18 May 2009, 3:13, archived)

seriously, this is going to be shit
www.gilgamesh.zen.co.uk/ZJH
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 18 May 2009, 5:47, archived)

It's a good job I'm a calm muslim man.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 18 May 2009, 3:15, archived)

i made this for you
www.doink.com/clips/SpaceWizard/339931
( Lightguy hail satan, Mon 18 May 2009, 3:16, archived)

Haha!
That's very much like me at any given time.
9/10
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 18 May 2009, 3:19, archived)

can the magpies stay up?
what's your feeling, JMG?
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Mon 18 May 2009, 3:36, archived)

What is the deal with just seeing One magpie?
I was driving in the country side with the Mrs today, and she got all weird on me, raised her voice, and was like...

"OMG! OMG! There's one magpie!"

Me: "Yeah! So?"

Her: "Don't you know it's bad luck just to see one magpie, you need to see two of them!"

Me: "Maybe the other one is behind the bush, getting dressed?"
( Darklord, Mon 18 May 2009, 3:50, archived)

I'm 50/50.
It's hard to call.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 18 May 2009, 3:51, archived)

personally, i hope they get relegated
because that way there's no fucking way they'd be able to claim the season was some kind of success. far more likely they'd blow it all up and start from scratch if they get sent down...
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Mon 18 May 2009, 3:52, archived)

Thank you for your support.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 18 May 2009, 3:57, archived)

i do what i can...
from here in the colonies
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Mon 18 May 2009, 4:01, archived)

beat Villa and I think you're safe
Hull will lose to Man U, finish on 35 and get relegated
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 18 May 2009, 4:02, archived)

yes but...
won't man u be playing their gimps and pimply-faced teenagers because they've clinched?
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Mon 18 May 2009, 4:04, archived)

knowing Ferguson's ego and dislike of the scousers, he'll want a more impressive margin of victory
edit: my prediciton for the drop:

		Points	        Games
Portsmouth      42		H Sunderland 2-0, A Wigan 1-1
Newcastle 	37		A Aston Villa 2-1
Sunderland 	36		A Portsmouth 2-0, H Chelsea 0-3
------------------------------------
Hull 		35		H Man U 0-2
M'brough 	33		A West Ham 1-1
West Brom 	31R

edit: fixed
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 18 May 2009, 4:06, archived)

ferguson wants to punish shearer
for not signing years ago. he'll play shit
edit : i like your edit :D
(JoePesky, Mon 18 May 2009, 4:23, archived)

I ballsed it up, the points are wrong there!

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 18 May 2009, 4:31, archived)

but newcastle are still up :D
we need some dodgy luck
(JoePesky, Mon 18 May 2009, 4:33, archived)

If you beat Hull, a point will keep us up.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 18 May 2009, 4:24, archived)

You've given Sunderland and Pompey 3 points each from their matchup?

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 18 May 2009, 4:31, archived)

it's late and my brain hurts
I reckon Sunderland will get no more points this season, beat Villa and your lot can finish above them to rescue some pride
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 18 May 2009, 4:38, archived)

I step away for a few minutes
and then you plebs start talking about f'ball!

That makes the internet cry
( Darklord, Mon 18 May 2009, 4:59, archived)