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So anyway,
I was busy trying to poach my (very expensive) salmon, this morning, and I got a phonecall half way through from my butler's wife (i forget her name) telling me that my butler's cancer had progressed to several more organs and blah blah blah and anyway, my salmon ended up being completely overdone and I had to make do with scrambled egg (free range) on toast (organic bread).
How has your life been damaged inconceivably by your employees?
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:37, archived)
IN SO MANY WAYS.
I can't even LOOK at caviar any more.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:38, archived)
i want to be your new online friend.
how can we make this happen?
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:39, archived)
We should totally gaz, or some shit.
Would you like a Hula Hoop?
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:40, archived)
Gaz me any question about hula hoops
and I will totally answer it.
This could be the start of a beautiful online relationship.
Also we can bitch about Sammi behind her back.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:41, archived)
YEAH!

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:42, archived)
Can I get a cc pls.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:44, archived)
So what's your favourite flavour of Hula Hoops?
Mine is Barbecue Beef.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:45, archived)
why would you do that?
it's much more fun bitching about her in the open
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:47, archived)
fuck off SSG, Esme is MY online friend
or she was

until she turned into a two-timing cow
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:44, archived)
:(((((
I'm still your gal, Gilgy.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:44, archived)
My stock-broker sold some stock for me only for it to increase a further 100 pence before falling.
I use daddy's stock-broker now.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:39, archived)
They're all common.
I heard my maid talking about something called "Hen dups", some sort of musical ensbamble headed by "Dabby".
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:39, archived)
What on earth?
Where do they think we are, 18th century London?
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:40, archived)
I had the evil wench flaggelated by Boris, my eastern European muscle.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:41, archived)
THIS STEAK ISN'T ABERDEEN!!

(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:40, archived)
I thought you were JMG, then.

(I helped save b3ta! Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:45, archived)
Out of interest.
What were your initial symptoms before your diagnosis?
(I helped save b3ta! The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:41, archived)
his pancreas fell out

(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:41, archived)
i lost weight and got stomach cramps.
i thought it was because i wasn't eating.
why?
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:43, archived)
Literally just out of interest.
A friend of mine royally fucked his pancreas a couple of months ago and is now diabetic. He initially went to the doctor for bad migraines. It's fucked up.

Anyway, back to ripping Sammi.
(I helped save b3ta! The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:45, archived)
Symptoms: being a cunt, stupid hippy hair, horrible facial disfigurement, "really beautiful" girlfriend.
Diagnosis: Pancreatic cancer.
(MooCow_Byter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:43, archived)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:44, archived)
Really, the signs were all there.
It's just a shame nobody worked it out sooner.
(MooCow_Byter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:46, archived)
my girlfriend is actually really beautiful though!
LOOK!
photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v258/208/125/634545174/n634545174_3333887_9274.jpg
i have no idea how i did it.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:46, archived)
Oooh, she is.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:47, archived)
SHE IS.
I AM GOING TO GLOAT ABOUT IT.
HAHAHA.
my girlfriend is REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:49, archived)
it's bound to end in her dumping me
for someone who is not an idiot :(
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:55, archived)
Nooooooooooooo

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:55, archived)
it's ok,
as soon as she does that, i'll be up you like a rat up a drainpipe.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:57, archived)
Phwooooooar!

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 2:05, archived)
I NO.
Even TFD agrees!
(MooCow_Byter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:50, archived)
why would SHE lie,
of all people?
that's right, she would not!
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:52, archived)
It must be true then.
Hurray!
(MooCow_Byter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:59, archived)
and it seems to me, that you lived your life like a candle in the wind

(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:48, archived)
they're usually hunted down for sport before things progress that far

(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:41, archived)
I remeber telling the chef I wanted my steak (tenderloin) medium rare.
When it came it was actually medium. I fired him immediately.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:43, archived)
I know this is a parody and everything.
But even if it wasn't, it still doesn't sound like it was typed by as much of a cunt as Sammi.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:46, archived)
I don't use the word cunt often when referring to women.
But Sammi is a cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:46, archived)
I'm offended, really.

(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:47, archived)
Hahahahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:46, archived)