I just popped out to go to a shop.
A junkie was lying on the street on the other side of the road and he shouted at me "Come over here and give me some money or I'll stab you."
He couldn't even stand up.
Have you seen a lazier attempt at violent crime lately?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 15:58, archived)

I´ve responded to a mugger in a similar lazy fashion
New Malden train station, several years ago
Mugger (after some pre-amble): Give me your wallet or I´ll knife you
Me: Mate, I´ve been clubbing all weekend, really could do without this right now

I think I bored him to death, I started rambling about where I´d been & he fucked off
( broadsword, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 16:04, archived)