Baldmonkey would have banhammered everyone, including himself
And then would somehow have unbanned himself, get bored and unban everyone after a few weeks, only for him to write a script which replaces words with more than one vowel in it with 'mingeLOL' or something.
Or alternatively would have renamed everyone after his kids and convince himself he's some kind of earth-mother figure.
( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 16:40, archived)

He would ban everyone
Then create 100 comedy accounts and start thread after thread of him talking to himself.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 16:43, archived)

He would probably get bored of a few and start trolling them
bullying various representations of his psyche into flouncing.
He could very well recreate and maintain all of /talk by himself.
( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 16:47, archived)