b3ta.com user Doctor When
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Profile for Doctor When:
Profile Info:

Yes, the Doctor When.

The Inventor of Chavopoly
(Origin post: http://www.b3ta.com/board/4053126)

Likes: Cheese, Booze, Ladies.
Dislikes: Ironing, Cloves, Green chalk.
Indifferent towards: Biscuits, Hydrogen, Belgium.

Recent front page messages:

Has this bindun yet?

Yeah, I know how long it's been. Fuck off.
(Mon 26th Oct 2015, 14:26, More)


(Thu 22nd Nov 2012, 13:58, More)

I always wondered...
...what was going on with the chair.

(Mon 1st Oct 2012, 16:14, More)

(Mon 24th Sep 2012, 13:28, More)

Good morning, plebs!

Make Andrew's Horn bigger here

(Mon 24th Sep 2012, 10:23, More)

(Fri 7th Sep 2012, 17:11, More)

Good morning, lovely fluffy bitches.

(Mon 6th Aug 2012, 9:15, More)

Well, now they've found it...
...they're going to have to "repurpose" CERN...

(Wed 4th Jul 2012, 15:36, More)

Prase hims.

(Fri 18th May 2012, 15:20, More)

(Thu 17th May 2012, 17:17, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Mister Whippy
My mom told me that when the Ice Cream van was playing music, it meant that the owner had crudely assembled a broadcast quality microphone and a 12V car amplifier into a wind up musical jewellery box using Sellotape and Blu-Tack, and it was all bundled into a Nabisco biscuit tin and riveted under one of the refridgeration units. Imagine my suprise when I grew up and discovered there were actually professional, commercially built units available!
(Fri 23rd Jan 2004, 10:40, More)

» Crap meals out

The Pharoah's Revenge
Ahh, Egypt. I hae a lovely time in Luxor, me.

Quite a few English people, after eating in Egypt, suffer from the trots at one level of severity or another. Nurse When had very mild trots, nothing at all serious.

Me? I was different. I got constipated. After a few days of roaming around tombs, temples and the swimming pool I began to feel somewhat uncomfortable - as you would not shitting for 72 hours. Nurse When duly toddled off to the local Pharmacy for me, whilst I lay on the bed with my guts hurting like hell. After the Pharmacist had gone out the back, rummaged in the back of a drawer, and blown the dust off a packet of laxatives Nurse When returned.

I took my pill and after a further day, and an ENORMOUS nutty floater, I was back to normal! With one day left of our week's holiday, I went out for a slap up meal to celebrate.

"One veal piccata, please, my good man."

Did I say "Veal Piccata" or "Veal Piccata, hold the Amoebic Dysentry?"

Five days and 10Kg later, I couldn't remember either.
(Thu 27th Apr 2006, 15:20, More)

» Essential Items

I can do "odd".
Rather than posting a list of my pocket contents, which seems to be the fashion, I thought I'd tell you a little story about carrying odd things, and how it's helped diffuse a potential gang-beating scenario.

I do lots of historical interpretation stuff (posh, paid theatrical sort of re-enactment) and often carry a variety of period weapons, costumes etc.

I was once cut up at an island by several burly guys in a car. Naturally, I used The Language of Horn and Flashing Lights to communicate my disapproval. Later in my journey, I ended up in front of them and through the alternating orangey dark and glare of headlights, noticed that they were probably in the mood to follow me and attempt to intimidate me.

Fine by me. I arrived at my venue for the evening, and was just unpacking my cavernous estate's rear when they too pulled onto the carpark.

When I pulled a 6-foot C16th German two-handed sword out of the boot, they left. I never did get the chance to ask them why... or indeed to show them the lovely sharp new Katzbalger (sword) and Messer (dagger) I'd brought along with me as well.
(Thu 27th Oct 2005, 17:37, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

Dodgy Wiring.
I used to work for Maplin Electronics, back in the nineties before it became all Tandy-like. For those of you who don't know Maplin (including our Forren readers), it's a bit like Radio Shack - selling electronic parts, electrical items, tools and gadgets.

I have seen some of the most stupid, reckless and downright dangerous examples of wiring you can possibly imagine. The expression "the customer is always right", if we had stuck to it, would have resulted in deaths.

Some of the stupidity is difficult to explain unless you know anything about electronics/electrics, so I won't go into too much detail, but there was one example that warrants a mention:

We sold a vast range of kits, for people with soldering irons to make anything from amplifiers to oscilloscopes.

One of the most complex kits was an Analogue Synthesiser keyboard. It had a staggering component count, consisting of a dozen tightly packed circuit boards which needed assembly - including a "diode board" for decoding the 49-key piano keyboard switches which had a count of about 350 components on it's own. Needless to say this kit was intended for expert kitbuilders only, and advertised as such with words like "advanced" and "expert constructors only".

We offered a "get you working" service for kits, where our HQ techies would fault-find and reconstruct where things had been built wrong, but this was quite expensive. We had one of these keyboard kits returned for this service, as some of it wasn't working.

The customer had constructed the synth meticulously, but only certain sections of the complicated circuitry worked.

Giving it the once over, before sending it away to HQ, he had SUPERGLUED every component in place, rather than soldering. It had taken him WEEKS. He eventually paid three times the price of the kit for one of our techies to solder all of the components in properly (in a well ventilated area, of course).
(Wed 31st Dec 2003, 10:44, More)

» Stupid Tourists

Americans are teh bestest!
Almost stereotypical American couple overheard at Warwick Castle: "Gee, honey - isn't it great how they built the River Avon right next to the castle!"
(Thu 7th Jul 2005, 16:47, More)
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