b3ta.com user Doctor When
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Profile for Doctor When:
Profile Info:

Yes, the Doctor When.

The Inventor of Chavopoly
(Origin post: http://www.b3ta.com/board/4053126)

Likes: Cheese, Booze, Ladies.
Dislikes: Ironing, Cloves, Green chalk.
Indifferent towards: Biscuits, Hydrogen, Belgium.

Recent front page messages:

Has this bindun yet?

Yeah, I know how long it's been. Fuck off.
(Mon 26th Oct 2015, 14:26, More)


(Thu 22nd Nov 2012, 13:58, More)

I always wondered...
...what was going on with the chair.

(Mon 1st Oct 2012, 16:14, More)

(Mon 24th Sep 2012, 13:28, More)

Good morning, plebs!

Make Andrew's Horn bigger here

(Mon 24th Sep 2012, 10:23, More)

(Fri 7th Sep 2012, 17:11, More)

Good morning, lovely fluffy bitches.

(Mon 6th Aug 2012, 9:15, More)

Well, now they've found it...
...they're going to have to "repurpose" CERN...

(Wed 4th Jul 2012, 15:36, More)

Prase hims.

(Fri 18th May 2012, 15:20, More)

(Thu 17th May 2012, 17:17, More)

My favourite as a child...

(Tue 15th May 2012, 15:18, More)

Hup! Hup! Hah!

(Tue 8th May 2012, 15:24, More)

Moving wanky posts down the board for nearly ten years...
with FLUFF!

(Mon 30th Apr 2012, 16:05, More)

He hates washing up.

(Thu 19th Apr 2012, 11:16, More)

Afternoon all

(Tue 17th Apr 2012, 12:32, More)

Specialist cinema...

(Thu 5th Jun 2008, 16:09, More)

It keeps looking at me funny.

(Thu 22nd May 2008, 16:56, More)

England's Glory...

Gain extra inches

(Thu 28th Feb 2008, 14:46, More)

Explains those mysterious floating orbs, at least.

150k megafile

The rest of the series...
1 2 3 4 5
(Fri 22nd Feb 2008, 14:41, More)

I bought some new speakers.
Man, are they loud.

Increase volume

(Thu 14th Feb 2008, 17:04, More)

Green Cross Pants!

Cocking huge 300kb version

(Fri 25th Jan 2008, 13:03, More)



(Thu 20th Dec 2007, 10:22, More)

Aww, bless.

Long drop

(Wed 28th Nov 2007, 16:02, More)


Height Restrictions Apply

(Thu 17th May 2007, 10:24, More)

Aitey eigt jigerwats per hour!

Flux my capacitor!

Bored with these yet?
(Wed 16th May 2007, 12:03, More)

Kittin B.A. has been making things again...

(Mon 14th May 2007, 15:34, More)

It's the K-Team (again)
Must do some work today.

Crafty Ninja Edit:
The K-Team
BA's been Welding
In BA's Van
Ain't going on no plane... zzzz...
(Mon 14th May 2007, 11:50, More)

If you can find them...
(they're a few posts down, btw)

(Mon 14th May 2007, 10:43, More)


The Full House

(Thu 10th May 2007, 16:28, More)

Graaah! Pants!

Flick her off

(Mon 30th Apr 2007, 17:31, More)


Click to make the pain more real

EDIT: Embiggened by popular request.
(Wed 18th Apr 2007, 12:07, More)


Riiight - I'll go and do a proper one now.
(Thu 12th Apr 2007, 11:31, More)

Norty bunny smackhead!

(Fri 30th Mar 2007, 15:11, More)

Katie was shocked.
But she just couldn't look away.

(Tue 9th Jan 2007, 15:55, More)


Is everyone fluffy?

Good, good.

Dr. W.
(Tue 9th Jan 2007, 10:43, More)


How is everyone?


Dr. W.
(Wed 3rd Jan 2007, 14:38, More)

'Noon, all!
Here's something I made for a very special* person:

(Wed 29th Nov 2006, 12:06, More)

We love teh Jesis!

(Fri 10th Nov 2006, 13:16, More)

Temework are importint.

(Wed 25th Oct 2006, 14:51, More)

Load her up...
...and watch her kick!

(Thu 28th Sep 2006, 10:37, More)

Arrrr! Give 'em a broadside!

(Tue 19th Sep 2006, 13:41, More)

I might as well get all my reposts out of the way in one go:

(Thu 18th May 2006, 9:55, More)

On a theme...

(Fri 10th Mar 2006, 10:47, More)

I have the complete set!

(Wed 29th Jun 2005, 13:17, More)

It am bysickle teim!

(Wed 8th Jun 2005, 13:58, More)

Lunchtime post...
...here you are.

(Thu 10th Feb 2005, 14:07, More)


(Thu 27th Jan 2005, 13:23, More)

Watch out!

(Wed 26th Jan 2005, 13:02, More)

A bit of a miscalculation...

(Tue 25th Jan 2005, 17:30, More)

And he's climbing...
...that stairway to heaven.

(Fri 10th Dec 2004, 14:02, More)

Aww, bless.

He should have gone before he came out.
(Fri 10th Dec 2004, 12:06, More)

This took too long.
But fekkit, it's only Friday:

The original is almost 500KB if anyone wants me to linky it.
(Fri 5th Nov 2004, 16:50, More)

Farewell, mate.

(Tue 26th Oct 2004, 14:31, More)


(Mon 26th Jul 2004, 13:28, More)

Quick/dirty/seamless etc. etc.

Two FPs in one day - I am, frankly, aroused.
(Fri 9th Jul 2004, 13:36, More)

Information B-road...

(Fri 9th Jul 2004, 12:57, More)

CURSES! Foiled again...
Because they couldn't get their "Third Man" into position, the stunt didn't quite work as well as they'd hoped:
clicky for explanation

3rd FP ever - Woo me! I'm a happy bunny!
(Wed 19th May 2004, 13:13, More)

For some reason...
...Eminem's film wasn't as popular in France.

(Wed 6th Nov 2002, 15:42, More)

Bonfire Night.
Kylie's Guy Fawkes Party was always a spectacular evening.

(Tue 5th Nov 2002, 11:59, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Mister Whippy
My mom told me that when the Ice Cream van was playing music, it meant that the owner had crudely assembled a broadcast quality microphone and a 12V car amplifier into a wind up musical jewellery box using Sellotape and Blu-Tack, and it was all bundled into a Nabisco biscuit tin and riveted under one of the refridgeration units. Imagine my suprise when I grew up and discovered there were actually professional, commercially built units available!
(Fri 23rd Jan 2004, 10:40, More)

» Crap meals out

The Pharoah's Revenge
Ahh, Egypt. I hae a lovely time in Luxor, me.

Quite a few English people, after eating in Egypt, suffer from the trots at one level of severity or another. Nurse When had very mild trots, nothing at all serious.

Me? I was different. I got constipated. After a few days of roaming around tombs, temples and the swimming pool I began to feel somewhat uncomfortable - as you would not shitting for 72 hours. Nurse When duly toddled off to the local Pharmacy for me, whilst I lay on the bed with my guts hurting like hell. After the Pharmacist had gone out the back, rummaged in the back of a drawer, and blown the dust off a packet of laxatives Nurse When returned.

I took my pill and after a further day, and an ENORMOUS nutty floater, I was back to normal! With one day left of our week's holiday, I went out for a slap up meal to celebrate.

"One veal piccata, please, my good man."

Did I say "Veal Piccata" or "Veal Piccata, hold the Amoebic Dysentry?"

Five days and 10Kg later, I couldn't remember either.
(Thu 27th Apr 2006, 15:20, More)

» Essential Items

I can do "odd".
Rather than posting a list of my pocket contents, which seems to be the fashion, I thought I'd tell you a little story about carrying odd things, and how it's helped diffuse a potential gang-beating scenario.

I do lots of historical interpretation stuff (posh, paid theatrical sort of re-enactment) and often carry a variety of period weapons, costumes etc.

I was once cut up at an island by several burly guys in a car. Naturally, I used The Language of Horn and Flashing Lights to communicate my disapproval. Later in my journey, I ended up in front of them and through the alternating orangey dark and glare of headlights, noticed that they were probably in the mood to follow me and attempt to intimidate me.

Fine by me. I arrived at my venue for the evening, and was just unpacking my cavernous estate's rear when they too pulled onto the carpark.

When I pulled a 6-foot C16th German two-handed sword out of the boot, they left. I never did get the chance to ask them why... or indeed to show them the lovely sharp new Katzbalger (sword) and Messer (dagger) I'd brought along with me as well.
(Thu 27th Oct 2005, 17:37, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

Dodgy Wiring.
I used to work for Maplin Electronics, back in the nineties before it became all Tandy-like. For those of you who don't know Maplin (including our Forren readers), it's a bit like Radio Shack - selling electronic parts, electrical items, tools and gadgets.

I have seen some of the most stupid, reckless and downright dangerous examples of wiring you can possibly imagine. The expression "the customer is always right", if we had stuck to it, would have resulted in deaths.

Some of the stupidity is difficult to explain unless you know anything about electronics/electrics, so I won't go into too much detail, but there was one example that warrants a mention:

We sold a vast range of kits, for people with soldering irons to make anything from amplifiers to oscilloscopes.

One of the most complex kits was an Analogue Synthesiser keyboard. It had a staggering component count, consisting of a dozen tightly packed circuit boards which needed assembly - including a "diode board" for decoding the 49-key piano keyboard switches which had a count of about 350 components on it's own. Needless to say this kit was intended for expert kitbuilders only, and advertised as such with words like "advanced" and "expert constructors only".

We offered a "get you working" service for kits, where our HQ techies would fault-find and reconstruct where things had been built wrong, but this was quite expensive. We had one of these keyboard kits returned for this service, as some of it wasn't working.

The customer had constructed the synth meticulously, but only certain sections of the complicated circuitry worked.

Giving it the once over, before sending it away to HQ, he had SUPERGLUED every component in place, rather than soldering. It had taken him WEEKS. He eventually paid three times the price of the kit for one of our techies to solder all of the components in properly (in a well ventilated area, of course).
(Wed 31st Dec 2003, 10:44, More)

» Stupid Tourists

Americans are teh bestest!
Almost stereotypical American couple overheard at Warwick Castle: "Gee, honey - isn't it great how they built the River Avon right next to the castle!"
(Thu 7th Jul 2005, 16:47, More)
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