New Image Challenge: Let's make a book
it's a bit different this week. Let's use the mighty power of b3ta to make a book.

www.b3ta.com/features/sickjokebook/
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:50, archived)

Hot piss.

( cr3, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:51, archived)

what a great idea Squire!

( The Great Architect We have a REALLY big Computer, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:51, archived)

let's publish it through a real publisher
and get it in the shops.

I'm going to make this happen - with all your help.
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:51, archived)

^ This
I know i'd buy it
( Rainbow Mong, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:52, archived)

The whole world... well
maybe the theiving bastards at the sun might buy it
(Azzek!, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:54, archived)

Sir, you're a genius!

( The Great Architect We have a REALLY big Computer, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:53, archived)

At the risk of sounding thick
are we to contribute sick jokes or did you have something else/more in mind?

Edit: If it's anything sick then may we just declare Mongychops the winner right now?

( Flowerpot If in doubt, shop Freebase's head onto it, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:53, archived)

I want people to add jokes to the QOTW
and other people to make illustrations

all explained in the page

www.b3ta.com/features/sickjokebook/
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:54, archived)

big london piss up
for all contributors

*gets thinking of ideas*

how can anybody resist
( Rainbow Mong, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:55, archived)

Simple
trans-continental plane flights suck.
(Azzek!, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:57, archived)

Terribly sorry
I'm sweltering in this heat and didn't notice the text on that link due to sweat perspiration clouding me eyes.

( Flowerpot If in doubt, shop Freebase's head onto it, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:57, archived)

can I please
warm my cold hands on your hot body

er...that sounds so, so wrong
( mediocre FISTING FULL THROTTLE, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:18, archived)

Yeah, Mongy and Leningrad will have a field day with this one...

( tipassoi, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:55, archived)

:D

( Leningrad twitter.com/takebacks, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:58, archived)

and
prodigy69
(stunt_penguin | missed his b3ta birthday :'(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:03, archived)

Hmmm
Did you know that link says you posted it 2 years ago today, Rob?

"Rob Manuel, 1st Feb 2004" it says at the bottom....
(Soupy Twist BEST BEFORE:, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:55, archived)

ha
what a spacker
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:56, archived)

hehe
That's better.

Carry on!
(Soupy Twist BEST BEFORE:, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:58, archived)

Hooray!
It should get a shitload of publicity, just by the nature of the book. I expect outrage!

I was meaning to ask, by the way - whatever happened to the board stats page?
( Leningrad twitter.com/takebacks, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:56, archived)

I hope so
I've been wracking my brain for ages to find something that

* Might get publicity
* Will be fun to read
* Plays to the strengths of the contributers

My brain hurts now.
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:01, archived)

When do you reckon the deadline for submissions shall be?
I'd rather like to be involved, but from this weekend, can only get to a computer for one day a week.
( Leningrad twitter.com/takebacks, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:04, archived)

it'll be open for a while
no deadline yet - but possibly about a month
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:05, archived)

Great stuff - this is all a brilliant idea.

( Leningrad twitter.com/takebacks, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:07, archived)

can you make it like we submit our illustrations like we do for a compo?

( Sonic 2 and Knuckles, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:08, archived)

yes
already done so
b3ta.com/challenge/sickjokes/
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:09, archived)

ok, do we get a cut of the money if we're in it?
and how many illustrations will be accepted?
( Sonic 2 and Knuckles, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:10, archived)

no you don't get a cut of the money (assuming that there is any)
sorry!

But you do get invited to a big launch party with lots of drink and get your work printed in a book with full credits - something for the cv / portfolio / grandkids anyway.
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:15, archived)

do you want black and white?
im guessing colour costs more to produce
( Sonic 2 and Knuckles, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:18, archived)

I'm want colour
b3ta wouldn't look so good in B&W.
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:23, archived)

tightass

( GTA, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 18:12, archived)

Psst
www.b3ta.com/challenge/sickjokes/
( Leningrad twitter.com/takebacks, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:09, archived)

It says 300 dots per inch
but doesn't say how many inches. If the illustrations are supposed to fit the page, roughly how big is a page?
(_Felix 's school of dance and occult sciences, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:08, archived)

make them BIG
www.b3ta.com/board/5607404
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:10, archived)

OK.
I'll go for 1500 * 2400 then.
(_Felix 's school of dance and occult sciences, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:12, archived)

Go bigger my friend
This is a handy reference I use for work. 2500 x 3500px is a good approximation to A4 at 300dpi.

Making 'em smaller is easy, making 'em bigger is all of teh hard.
( Hamster Trippin' bibble, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:17, archived)

may i ask
what happened to the stats page?
( urbane legend i have known the inexorable sadness of pencils, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:18, archived)

ooh...
interesting...
( Count Vanderhoff knulla mora di på, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:51, archived)

oooh
cracking!
( Rainbow Mong, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:51, archived)

hahaha
I like it! Should be good...
( tipassoi, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:51, archived)

what kind of book oh ginger leader?

( Thor_sonofodin Sent from my Nokia 9210 Communicator, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:53, archived)

a sick joke book
read the link - I've been typing like a gaylord on poppers for the last couple of hours...

www.b3ta.com/features/sickjokebook/
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:53, archived)

What happened to the link on the FP for that b3ta tv thing?
it just disappeared, and made me question whether I dreamt it up
(Flabbergaster laughs at danger (and breaks all the rules), Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:55, archived)

i took it down
as people were misunderstanding the reason for it being there, it was a "this is a oddity from the past" rather than "let's campaign for a TV show."

And I've been thinking about this book idea for the last couple of weeks and thought it confuses the issue.

The link is still available if you go to the 'fun shit' page off the FP and scroll down.
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:58, archived)

Peppers, Shirley?
C];0)


( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Jaffa cakes only 500 calories per box - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:56, archived)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Funniest thing I've read all day.
( Hamster Trippin' bibble, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:02, archived)

how big a picture?

( new_matt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:57, archived)

sorry
my bad, should have read it really.

i shall put my drawding skills to use with some illustrations for you.
( Thor_sonofodin Sent from my Nokia 9210 Communicator, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:01, archived)

thank you very much

( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:04, archived)

shite
this is going to waste even more of my time!

there's 62 pages of fucking jokes!!!!!

edit: many of these jokes are racist - is this part of the plan?
( Gruffi Savalas is not an alcoholic. My best friends are alcohols., Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:53, archived)

Tricky
because some jokes that make fun of racial steroetypes are sick and funny.

E.G what do you call an indian lesbian?
Mingeeta

But i think the "Take your foot off his head" type is beyond the pale. Discuss..
( Roland E O'Dorant R Tape loading error, 0:1, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:00, archived)

agreed
on all 3 points, however the Indian lesbian joke (which is very good by the way) is not actually sick
( Gruffi Savalas is not an alcoholic. My best friends are alcohols., Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:10, archived)

yeah - but fuck dictionary definitions
'the off-colour, rude and offensive joke book' isn't as good title as 'sick jokes'
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:13, archived)

Ok then....
What do you call an indian Lesbian with blood hanging out of her cunt?

Mingeeta abortion

Haha Haha Haha
( Roland E O'Dorant R Tape loading error, 0:1, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:14, archived)

and I agree with you
I've read the first page of the QOTW for sick jokes and have gone all prissy now.

( Flowerpot If in doubt, shop Freebase's head onto it, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:17, archived)

Oh i say
this should be special
(Azzek!, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:53, archived)

This is a super idea

( Leningrad twitter.com/takebacks, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:54, archived)

LUVVERLY!!!

( diablo0301 MEH!, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:55, archived)

fuck yes!

( MrA, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:55, archived)

excellent plan!

( Wasp Box www.waspbox.com/royal-family-calendar.htm, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:56, archived)

I like this!
arf!
( c_kick after the tone, the date is, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:56, archived)

oh dear lord
ok, go on then

[edit] btw, what size image?
( new_matt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:56, archived)

think ordinary paperback book
at 300DPI

I'll get some sizes and add them to the page in a bit - but just aim for TOO BIG and you'll be fine.
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:59, archived)

rightyho!

( new_matt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:01, archived)

You can get normal sizes from .. .err...
lulu.com its self publishing but has layouts ect ...
and i guess its all fairly standard stuff, im writing
a book this year too, getting there got the page numbers
done already !!
( Munky Boy today I am back., Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:21, archived)

yay

( homonk is gay for chairs, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:58, archived)

fucking excellent

( Mr Gimpson Wolfguts, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:59, archived)

My God I love this!!!
*brain asplodes with joy*
( Joe Scaramanga Nothin's gonna stop me gettin' to the Caymans, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:59, archived)

Step 6
Profit.
( Mr Gear the gay-maker, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:02, archived)

ACE
I nominate a mushybees rendering of Bernard Manning for the front cover
( Roland E O'Dorant R Tape loading error, 0:1, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:03, archived)

and Mr Bees should be on at least 20 pages :)

( Flowerpot If in doubt, shop Freebase's head onto it, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:18, archived)

i would just like to say
RACIST JOKE DOES NOT EQUAL SICK JOKE
( urbane legend i have known the inexorable sadness of pencils, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:05, archived)

If a racist joke makes you feel sick then
surely it is?
( Roland E O'Dorant R Tape loading error, 0:1, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:06, archived)

we don't plan to run racist jokes
personally I'm fine with the dawn french one - but I'm sure others have other opinions
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:07, archived)

Dawn French
for example
( Mr Gimpson Wolfguts, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:25, archived)

So that you can sell it?

( Lord Manley of Ven www.justgiving.com/manley - please?, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:06, archived)

yes - we will attempt to flog it

( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:08, archived)

with all the proceeds going to the running of b3ta
for the good of us all!
hurray!
( urbane legend i have known the inexorable sadness of pencils, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:13, archived)

Yeah...

( Delete Me, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:50, archived)

If coke, rentboys and whores count as the 'running of b3ta' then yes,
I'm sure the proceeds will go towards the running of b3ta.
( Laughing Boy, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 17:01, archived)

^^^this
I'll buy that for a dollar.
( MrHeed, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 20:03, archived)

That sounds mighty.

( Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:08, archived)

Crumbs!

( Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:08, archived)

Seconded.

( busy phil is still bloody busy, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:13, archived)

cor!
what a lovely idea
( mediocre FISTING FULL THROTTLE, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:14, archived)

GIS: baby
GIS: chainsaw
( Manic declared war on Old Media, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:38, archived)

Get in touch with the folk who publish the Viz swearword dictionary
I'm sure they'd be interested!

edit:

Boxtree, and imprint of Pan Macmillan Ltd.

www.panmacmillan.com
( Delete Me, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:45, archived)

Sickest thing I've done

fucking massive print size
( Strawberry Dragon, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:56, archived)

that is exactly on the money
cheers for post
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 17:02, archived)

no probs
I'll have a think and see what else I can come up with
( Strawberry Dragon, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 17:12, archived)

yay
and hooplah
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 20:28, archived)

Well then, if you're going to sell it,


Have this I just made.
( Lord Manley of Ven www.justgiving.com/manley - please?, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 17:29, archived)

fucking great idea, Mr Manuel!
One question, is 300 the minimus DPI or the maximuM DPI?
( Laughing Boy, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 19:08, archived)

I've been advised via email
Make an illustration at 300 DPI 5" x 8.5" - that's a whopping 1650px X 2550px
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 20:28, archived)

Colour...
... or B/W, or greyscale.

Which is best?
(Is it just me?, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 20:06, archived)

anything you like
I want the book to use colour - but some b&w pics will make it cheaper to print.
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 20:27, archived)

Do the pictures you're after have to be related to a sick joke
or can they be incredibly tasteless jokes that rely more on visual gags than a setup and punchline?

I.E.
( Munsta, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 20:29, archived)

Shirley
that's just an everyday b3ta image?
( Rev. A-MOL is lurking around these parts again, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 21:40, archived)

open to anything really
as long as it's sick/funny and doesn't have copyright problems
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 22:29, archived)

The latter might be an issue for the majority of stuff on the board
You'll have to get people take responsibility for their own images so you can't be sued.
( Matazone has new icons, but is keeping this one, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 23:30, archived)

Let's try and get on...
...the front page of The Daily Mail for "crossing the line of moral society"
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 3:17, archived)

make sure you put in
plenty of jokes and cartoons offensive to muslims, for the extra publicity
( Strawberry Dragon, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 0:28, archived)

Categories
How are you planning on categorising this?
By joke length (like one liners, shaggy dogs, etc.) or by how they're offensive (racist, cripple, paedo, etc.)?
(greenycrimson I stole the from pyschotherapist, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 13:26, archived)

tagging images?
discuss..
( brianftang www.brianftang.co.uk, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 13:51, archived)

According to my photoshop..
300 DPI 5" x 8.5" is not a whopping 1650px x 2550px but a not-as-whopping 1500px x 2550px. This makes it 5.5" x 8.5".

So which should take preference? 5"x8.5" or 1650px x 2550px? I've drawn an illustration and done it at the latter, so I hope that's ok. It could always be squished and squashed if it's not.

Ta.
( Naive Amoeba Hardly ever goes on this site anymore., Thu 2 Feb 2006, 16:09, archived)

it's just a guide
basically either of those sizes are fine.

Basically erring on the side of too big is good as you said squashing is not a problem. Scaling up a 280px image is.
( rob twitter.com/robmanuel is a cunt, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 15:12, archived)

Alrighty then.
*Opens up a 10,000px x 15,000px psd file*

*computer crashes*

Bollocks.
( Naive Amoeba Hardly ever goes on this site anymore., Sat 4 Feb 2006, 15:13, archived)

the banana and vibe joke

( o0neo, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 14:29, archived)

the banana and vibe

( o0neo, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 14:36, archived)

legal issue
I asked my dad (who's a publisher) about this and he said some of the jokes would contravene race relations/sexual discrimination legislation. Worth watching out for . . .
(Radio Free iPods "Fickt nicht mit dem Raketenmensch!", Mon 6 Feb 2006, 22:46, archived)

I dunno -
I've seen jokebooks that are just tasteless jokes before.
( Bob Todd whee, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 23:45, archived)

Challenge
Hmmmm. . .

If you're looking for publicity, a good image challenge might be "Photoshop Mohammed." Look what a fatwa has done for Salman Rushdie!
(24601, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 1:45, archived)