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This is a link post The marvellous masturbation metaphor generator I made this!
Testing my theory than any combination of noun and verb can be a masturbation metaphor. Contains a list of common nouns and common verbs - spin the wheel and see what you get...
(safe for work)
(, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:09, Reply)
This is a normal post 'Knitting the daughter' sounds perfect!!

(, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:16, Reply)
This is a normal post took a couple of spins
but "exciting the wool" is a winner :)
(, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:18, Reply)
This is a normal post "Raising the pleasure"...
hahah - maybe a bit too literal!
(, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:26, Reply)
This is a normal post Thanking the meat...
This is a bit hit and miss, but good nonetheless...
(, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:30, Reply)
This is a normal post Damn
"Banning the Impulse"

hehe good work. My chemistry teacher used to always say that an experiment didn't have to provide the results you hoped for in order to be a success.
(, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:30, Reply)
This is a normal post Tipping the rice.
Oh, yes.
(, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:31, Reply)
This is a normal post Rejoicing the leather
and preceeding the burn,


This gets a click :D
(, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:35, Reply)
This is a normal post charging the thing
nice
(, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:35, Reply)
This is a normal post That's top stuff
"Topping the discussion" for the kill
(, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:37, Reply)
This is a normal post Wobbling the stone.
Oh yes.
(, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:49, Reply)
This is a normal post Judging the waste
We've all done it.
(, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 0:22, Reply)
This is a normal post Murdering the Birth
Bloody hell.
(, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 0:35, Reply)
This is a normal post This wins

(, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 1:18, Reply)
This is a normal post Raising the notion or tickling the subject
F
T
W
(, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 1:35, Reply)
This is a normal post Emptying the mist.
Do I win anything?
(, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 7:26, Reply)
This is a normal post After due consideration
My theory is definitely disproved in the universal form, but could be revived by replacing 'any' with 'most'.
I'm considering making a more reliable version with a slightly more focused list, but it would reduce the element of anticipation - two lemons or the jackpot?
(, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 9:30, Reply)
This is a normal post I think you already won
The first time I tried, it gave me "Doubting the Self".

You'll be hearing from my therapist, you bastard.
(, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 21:24, Reply)
This is a normal post I'd verb her noun
^ make that one.
(, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 10:45, Reply)
This is a normal post Verbing weirds language.

(, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 3:04, Reply)
This is a normal post *fixing the leather*
aaah that's much better
(, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 11:48, Reply)
This is a normal post 'attracting the produce'
mmmmmmmmm
(, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 12:46, Reply)
This is a normal post Interrupting the Apparatus
genius!
(, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 14:24, Reply)
This is a normal post Just found my own favourite:
Tumbling the steel
(, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 14:32, Reply)
This is a normal post Commanding the cook!

(, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 14:43, Reply)
This is a normal post Mourning the love...eh?
awww....

ed: However 'Owning the Thing'... definitely!
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 15:57, Reply)
This is a normal post Draining the Balance....
...or indeed Satisfying the Cough
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:05, Reply)
This is a normal post From now on.....
I'll be tickling the relation.

If anybody wants me, I'll be in my room.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:07, Reply)
This is a normal post Whirling the authority
/whirls
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:08, Reply)
This is a normal post Irritating the secretary
was the best i got
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:12, Reply)
This is a normal post trying the brother. bleeeeeeurgh
If I was fancying a bit of the old self mclovin' I doubt I'd want mention of brothers in there. Don't even have one either.
And as for "Appearing the judge"?!
This generator is broken....
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:13, Reply)
This is a normal post Squeaking The Growth
Oh yes... that's the one
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:18, Reply)
This is a normal post First two:
"Delivering the growth" and "clearing the unit."

It works, by god.

edit: Not so great on the next few pulls, until "Terrifying the trade." Ha!
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:28, Reply)
This is a normal post Shivering the instrument

(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:48, Reply)
This is a normal post
That my friend is basically class.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:49, Reply)
This is a normal post Claiming the gold.

(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:58, Reply)
This is a normal post Returning the learning
nice
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 17:15, Reply)
This is a normal post I can't go out tonight...
I'll be at home, 'wasting the rule'.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 17:29, Reply)
This is a normal post I'm busy destroying the base as I type.
With one hand.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 17:33, Reply)
This is a normal post Playing the porter
Ooh err missus.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 17:31, Reply)
This is a normal post Frighten
The Nation

... Oh dear
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 17:39, Reply)
This is a normal post
"Applauding the growth" makes a lot of sense...
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 18:19, Reply)
This is a normal post Posting the Structure
great
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 18:23, Reply)
This is a normal post Scratching the steel
woo!

/scratches his steel
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 18:28, Reply)
This is a normal post
Launching the punishment
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 18:49, Reply)
This is a normal post Tasting the profit!
Wow, it knows I sold my man-juice for beer money! Mmm that beer tastes so good.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 18:49, Reply)
This is a normal post Bubbling The Hole
Winner!
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 18:54, Reply)
This is a normal post Squeaking the expansion
;)
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 19:11, Reply)
This is a normal post hahaha
that was funny. I'm off to delight my property.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 19:23, Reply)
This is a normal post Jogging the paint!
nice
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 19:34, Reply)
This is a normal post Draining the wood
now that's just too graphic!!! :-D

Nice work!
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 19:53, Reply)
This is a normal post providing the lead

(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 20:33, Reply)
This is a normal post Bleaching the Judge
Inspired, well done.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 21:05, Reply)
This is a normal post
Frightening the love??
I normally use a knife
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 21:33, Reply)
This is a normal post "Stirring the Bread"
Genius.

*EDIT* Ooh, followed immediately by "Firing the Money" - there's another shot on target. I love this tool, I could work it all day. Fnarr fnarr.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 22:24, Reply)
This is a normal post Wow
Blessing the Crime
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 22:48, Reply)
This is a normal post Sawing the poison.
Mmhmm...
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 22:52, Reply)
This is a normal post
Arresting The Structure...


ARF. :D
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 23:01, Reply)
This is a normal post Flooding the linen

(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 23:38, Reply)
This is a normal post Parting the Trade???
I sound like a Labour Party Conference when I'm wanking!

...actually, that might not be far off the mark...

B
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 0:29, Reply)
This is a normal post "Missing the hole"
Never a truer word...
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 0:29, Reply)
This is a normal post Living the Comfort
Strangely apt . . . .
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 0:43, Reply)
This is a normal post thesophie
I can't help but be a little perturbed by the 'eings'. eg Makeing, breatheing etc.

Still, bloody marvellous!
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 1:34, Reply)
This is a normal post 'soothing the wood' is a definate win but
i don't know about 'washing the water'
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 2:04, Reply)
This is a normal post Harming the steel
Sounds rough
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 2:10, Reply)
This is a normal post reflecting the industry
awesome!
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 2:13, Reply)
This is a normal post Sucking the cork
was the best I got. I like it, marvellous.
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 2:18, Reply)
This is a normal post Ah! The joys of the privileged few!
"Delighting the Silver"!
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 2:23, Reply)
This is a normal post Spraying the country
and decaying the apparatus
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 5:49, Reply)
This is a normal post deceiving the nation!
GWB's favorite pasttime? Or a little handball?

In fact, I think I'll start referring to it by names in W's administration:
- donning the rumsfeld
- dicking the cheney
- ricing the condi
- johning the ashcroft
and of course... georging the bush
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 6:44, Reply)
This is a normal post planing the attack
though I assume that should me 'planning'!
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 8:01, Reply)
This is a normal post "Grating The Self"

(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 9:57, Reply)
This is a normal post handling the salt!
haha!
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 16:30, Reply)
This is a normal post my one sounds horrible but factual
Fetching the smell
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 18:33, Reply)
This is a normal post Excercising the Steel
And Loving the Structure. Two for all those structural engineer wankers out there...
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 19:08, Reply)
This is a normal post Completing the punishment
/completes
ahhhhh
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 19:51, Reply)
This is a normal post Producing the Meal.
That's how I always think of it.
(, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 20:30, Reply)
This is a normal post Wrestling the animal..
Like it!
(, Sun 27 Jul 2008, 0:58, Reply)
This is a normal post 'Handling The World'
so very very true
(, Sun 27 Jul 2008, 13:27, Reply)
This is a normal post
For a Grrl "Appreciating the Friend" is very fitting. Yay works for everyone :)
(, Sun 27 Jul 2008, 14:20, Reply)
This is a normal post scratching the mind

(, Sun 27 Jul 2008, 18:28, Reply)
This is a normal post Offending the Animal?
Oh christ. This is gold...
(, Sun 27 Jul 2008, 18:51, Reply)
This is a normal post this is great
- ruining the discovery - but I wrote a poem on the same theme once, about someone having a wank in the very internet cafe in which I now sit, and I want you to put 'contacting the local council' in like I did. If you can. In a version 1.2 or something.
(, Sun 27 Jul 2008, 19:18, Reply)
This is a normal post 'knitting the ice'
HA! His drawers were full of knitted ice...
(, Sun 27 Jul 2008, 19:20, Reply)
This is a normal post ...
Whipping the Butter
(, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 14:27, Reply)
This is a normal post "rejoicing the burst"
Oh, how true
(, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 16:08, Reply)
This is a normal post Failing the society?

(, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 18:53, Reply)
This is a normal post Clickety Click
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to flap the fruit, iykwim aityd.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:14, Reply)
This is a normal post attacking the disease!
lol
(, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:58, Reply)
This is a normal post Melting the respect.
so true, and I hate myself for it.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 18:13, Reply)
This is a normal post
Exploding the Mine
(, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 18:18, Reply)
This is a normal post Listening to Armando Iannucci's Charm Offensive

(, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 18:58, Reply)
This is a normal post Fearing the reaction
It knows....
(, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:03, Reply)
This is a normal post God is watching.
"Stir(r)ing the shame"
(, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 21:20, Reply)
This is a normal post Even more spookily accurate:
"Parting the hate."
(, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 21:25, Reply)
This is a normal post "Killing the death"?
I'm afraid to go near myself.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 16:41, Reply)
This is a normal post "Correcting the expansion"
Fnar.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 16:45, Reply)
This is a normal post "Fearing the smell..."
depends what you eat, apparently....
(, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 0:31, Reply)
This is a normal post Kudos.
I love this.
(, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 2:37, Reply)
This is a normal post Bruising the respect
so true *sob sob*
(, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 16:25, Reply)
This is a normal post 'signaling the disease'
Cheerio i'm off to the clinic
(, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:36, Reply)
This is a normal post WTF?
Stroking the father?

Oh dear.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 19:05, Reply)
This is a normal post Preferring the Quality.
I love it.
(, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 5:28, Reply)
This is a normal post ooh!
Punishing the thunder!
(, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 23:52, Reply)
This is a normal post For those of you not getting laid:
Battling the dust
(, Sun 15 Mar 2009, 1:35, Reply)
This is a normal post Oh yes. Oh yes indeed.
Harming the society.
(, Mon 16 Mar 2009, 0:45, Reply)