Crap sex
When we started out, she was pretty much up for anything that involved us being naked together. And not just for the first couple of months, but the first few years.

Now her idea of foreplay is to lie as still as possible in near pitch darkness while I do everything, then wonder out loud why I'm not hard while she's dripping. And attempting to broach the subject leads to arguments, as "asking makes her feel like a prostitute".

Apart from that, I'm genuinely happily married.
(leprof, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 14:25, 40 replies)

yes. to a corpse.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 14:36, closed)

You say that like it's a bad thing.
But she'll never complain when he farts in bed.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 9 Aug 2011, 15:40, closed)

to be fair, it'd be pretty easy to blame on her.
unless her orifices are plugged with wadding.

or something..
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 15:42, closed)

I had an ex like that too; her idea of foreplay was to whisper "make love to me" in her Irish lilt and then lie still and open her legs.

Oral sex and prolonged foreplay were forbidden (I think it was her Catholic upbringing) and then she would complain about the standard of my lovemaking!
( Vambo, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 14:40, closed)

You were rubbish though...

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 9 Aug 2011, 15:42, closed)

Oral and prolonged foreplay are fine
Providing it's me doing it.
(leprof, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 17:17, closed)

No you aren't.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 14:41, closed)

^^this
talk to your wife about it ffs
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 14:45, closed)

You think I haven't tried?
Though there's plenty of other things we do together, it's not like the relationship is all bad.
(leprof, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 15:32, closed)

If she feels like a prostitute...
...give her some money while she goes to one.

Then you can just have a wank or something.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 14:46, closed)

A naked, willing woman,
with a dripping pussy, and you can't get it up?

Bag over her head, perhaps?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 14:48, closed)

Perhaps he's gay and in denial.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 14:56, closed)

it's because she spoils it by breathing audibly.
and being warm.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 15:06, closed)

Selfish bitch.
I bet she's not even willing to lie in a bath of icecubes for a couple of hours first.
:(
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 9 Aug 2011, 15:46, closed)

I wondered about that
but doing all the foreplay with no reciprocity is not exactly the world's biggest turn on. No problems getting it up while remembering the good times.
(leprof, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 15:50, closed)

Lower your expectations?
Failing that, when you've finished warming her up, present your cock at her lips before she has a chance to move - she'll have to do something, then.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 16:01, closed)

Couldn't lower my expectations much lower, to be honest
I'm not asking for bondage and a threesome, just a little reciprocity and the light on occasionally.
(leprof, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 20:35, closed)

Had an ex like this too.
Although she'd consent verbally, she'd just lie there and not reciprocate at all, not even showing any signs of enjoying herself, which ended up making me feel like a rapist.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 16:24, closed)

Pretty much what it's like for me
But I really don't want her to become my ex. We're too good for each other outside the bedroom.
(leprof, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 20:35, closed)

This is B3ta, you're a b3tan
If you have a real life female woman with ladybits and everything, shouldn't you be counting your lucky stars you're a sweaty handed virgin no longer and be pointing at horizontal?
(Chiliconcarne's Waiting What place is this, Histor?, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 21:09, closed)

Who are you...
...and what are you doing with my wife?
(Billy The Fish wants to gargle with Lucy Pinder's bath water, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 14:51, closed)

Not fucking her, if that's any consolation.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 14:53, closed)

She's totally fucking your best mate.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 14:52, closed)

It is almost certain that she is fucking someone else.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 15:13, closed)

Or he doesn't wash.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 15:21, closed)

Hahahaha impotent.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 14:55, closed)

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 9 Aug 2011, 15:43, closed)

Hope the flaming's not been too painful for you prof
I wish I had some good advice to give you. Are kids one of the factors? i.e. you're both too knackered and lack the privacy except at the very end of the day?

Have you tried getting rid of the kids for a weekend (Grandparents, but shed at last resort) and going to bed in the afternoon with a selection of your (both of you) favourite foods and a couple of bottles of wine?

Works for us, though admitedly, we don't have the same issue. Yes, I have to do all the 'work', but at least the response is worth it.

Good luck.

Che
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 17:02, closed)

Perhaps he's just really shit at it and she doesn't have the heart to tell him.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 17:28, closed)

I expected to get flamed posting a sexual problem on B3ta tbh
Having a kid doesn't help, though it was probably going downhill beforehand and I foolishly hoped it would get better by itself. Getting rid of him for a weekend might help, but anything that smacks too much of planning would make her feel under a promise.
(leprof, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 21:00, closed)

Yeah, she's fucking someone else.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 9:33, closed)

I hate agreeing with you, Badger.
It makes me feel dirty.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 12:02, closed)

Is your wife sexually active?
No, she just lies there.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 18:21, closed)

www.b3ta.com/questions/annoyingpartners/post1309169
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 20:02, closed)

Bollocks.
Should have searched first, I guess.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 17:34, closed)

She's clearly gay.
Wait...wrong stock, unthinking response.

She's clearly fucking someone else.

that's better.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 9:56, closed)

sort it out!
it's a difficult one to broach, if she's genuinely not that up for it then you prolly need some counselling (Relate are awesome, the NHS offers it but the waiting list is long) but if you are getting on just perfectly outside the bedroom, then something like this should be easy to discuss.

stick with it, if you are genuinely in love and can see a future for both of you then you need to get this fixed.

and DO NOT cheat on her... if you are feeling frustrated it will be tempting but she will find out, or you will tell her and it will almost definitely be the end, or the beginning of the end of your relationship. and that would suck (just had to get a lol in at the end).
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 13:54, closed)

make that a tiny lol
would that be a loq for laugh out quiet?
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 13:56, closed)

Yes, she's fucking someone else
but she only lies there for me too...
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 13:56, closed)

Hahahahahaha

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 9:53, closed)