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This is a question How I Skive Off Work

Admit it. No one does any work these days. It's all looking at crappy websites with your thumb hanging over alt tab incase the boss walks over. Tell us your best methods of skiving, and any resultant incidents. (Maybe your slacking off has got someone sacked, or resulted in a large scale industrial accident.)

(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 15:53)
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best way to skive off work is to go into a store room at work, empty a tin of pencils on the floor, and now go to sleep with your foot jammed against the door. now when boss comes along to get you to work, the door hits yer foot waking you up and you just shout "hang on, i'm just picking these pencils up" brilliant! no one's any the wiser :)
(, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 2:39, Reply)
How I Slack off at Work
I work at a hotel. I answer incoming calls. When the phone aint ringing, I aint working. Past 6:00 pm, the phone doesn't ring but maybe twice every hour. Beauty of it is a person has to be here to answer the phone when and if it rings. So I sit here reading my book or fucking off on the net as my busy co-workers rush around me. Right now life is good.
(, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 1:23, Reply)
I work in a petrol ststaion, and due to recent cut backs i often do the night shift on my own. I recently protested that this was a risk to my security and the boss told me to "never leave the till" i don't, unless i'm off to pick up another magazine, newspaper or free food (five finger discount). Since she uttered those words (3 weeks ago) i have read 4 novels and found a CCTV blind spot where i can place the T.V. from the back office. Of course i should really be watching the forecourt, and my distractions often lead to stolen fuel!
(, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 1:22, Reply)
i often take little involuntary naps while i'm working because i don't get enough sleep at night (interweb,CSS,RTW etc..).

This wouldn't be too bad, but i'm a courier driver in the day.

i'd put a "Toot if i'm asleep!" bumper sticker on my van, but i don't think the police, my boss, the people i've just driven into etc..would find it funny.

i laugh...ahaha...but really, this is a BAD thing.
(, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 1:08, Reply)
\not me...
but a work collegue...he is quite possibly the most lazy person i have ever met!

we work in a bar which gets very busy in the evenings (especially thurs,fri,sat) and whilst everyone else is rushing their arses off, he will be stood in the glasswash room drinking coffee...
also, in the time it takes him to serve one person, the other staff will have served at least 5!
he can wander around the pub for hours on end with a bottle of table cleaner and an empty pint glass...and is constantly on his mobile phone.
one of his favorite things to do is stand in the dj booth 'sorting out play lists' and his other favorite pass-time is using the ladies staff toilets and 'pebble-dashing' the bowls and peeing all over the seats...

he is quite possibly the most infuriating person i've ever had to work with! but what's more annoying is the fact that out of work he's a pretty decent bloke!!
(, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 0:45, Reply)
I don't have to skive;
I'm a teacher.

Apologies for grammar and punctuation, but, I'm a teacher
(, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 0:39, Reply)
I used to work for a supermarket when I was at uni
I drove the delivery van on Saturdays around all the rough areas of Belfast, and after a summer knew all the streets really well. I managed to get the Saturday down to 9:00-12pm : deliveries then lunch, and then 1:00pm-3:30pm deliveries, driving at stupid speeds.

This left enough time to go home, have a sandwich a cup of tea and sit down to watch the A-Team before jumping in the van and mysteriously always turning up just at locking up time.
(, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 0:36, Reply)
First job
was as a lowly admin assistant in this little fringe theatre in Islington. My boss would often go out for lunch for an hour or two, but since it was only part-time I'd have to stay back and supposedly stuff envelopes and chase up people's near expired memberships and such like. What I was actually up to during my boss's abscence was sneaking into the theatre bar and helping myself to the booze (and nuts). I learned how to pour the perfect pint because of this.
(, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 0:10, Reply)
I'm a lifeguard and a part time policeman
I sit around 12 hours a day watching old folk swim and wetting my collegues. Next day I'm driving around in a police car on the way to McDonalds for Dinner.
No other 2 jobs can be as easy!
(, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 0:05, Reply)
Sellotape Curling
I used to work for WHSmith, as an "Evening stock replenisher" (Shelf stacker) On one occasion one of my colleagues and I were very bored, and, since we had about half an hour left of our shift, and all the shelves were now stacked, we decided to invent ourselves a game.

We went in the stockroom, found a permanent marker, and marked some lines at the end of one of the aisles in the stockroom. Each "section" between lines was worth a different number of points.


Then we opened a three pack of sellotape, stood at the other end of the aisle and "curled" them towards the points area. Whoever gets most points after three throws each, wins.

Another great game we played was trolley racing, but that ended because we knocked a load of Christmas wrapping paper over. "It fell by itself. ." we proclaimed. . .
(, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 0:05, Reply)
Me, Skive, NEVER!
They really, really, really should give you free internet at work. Really.

*deep breath* (cue singing voices all)
(my favourite things)

porno and messageboards
both b3ta and fark,
messenger and emails,
flash sites are a lark.
making photoshops of a political dork.
these are the ways that I skive off at work.

when the net's down,
when the server's gone.
when i have no access.
i simply remember they're paying me to skive
and then i don't feeeeeeeel so bad!
(, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 0:00, Reply)
Work skive - a partaker and casual observation...

So many examples here. Guilty as charged and as many boxes ticked as possible for dicking about during work time.

I openly admit to the "walk around with papers looking busy" trip (I work in an office). However,I am probably not as bad as I once was due to getting a severe written warning which almost resulted in me being sacked (I stood up to the managers daughter who is a total fucktard and thinks that she can get away with being power mad and higher than her station. But, that's another story)...

Having an extra long dump / choke the chicken (not actually tried the latter) is a good skive too (as mentioned in this QOTW). In our gaff we have an "archive room" and buggering off there with boxes of paper to return back to the other branches of the company is a good idea and makes you look like you're doing something involved.

Tell you what though, there is one dude who does FUCK ALL and continuously gets away with it. I mean, he has Internet Explorer running in highly minimised windows which he can ALT + TAB very quickly. He even bids on eBay for various crap too in work time. People ARE onto him though, even my manager (as I myself has had a moan about him behind his back for being such a time wasting fucktard). He has been given enough "advance warnings" from his work mates on the grounds of covering his arse as it where. But, alas, to no avail. What does annoy me is that this fucker has been here for nowhere near as long as me, and yet he has internet access. While muggins here has "menial's system access"....twuntard.

Oh, and guess what? this dude is applying to join the police force. Kinda makes sense now as to why this country is going down the fucking bog!!!

I used to exessively email people too, I even shagged Newcastle Depots receptionist after about a years worth of chatting shit via email (an average of 40-50 emails, would you believe). Go meee-e! go meee-e!

Wasting of works time....our survey says "BING-BING-BING-BING-BING!!!"
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 23:50, Reply)
dim and distant
memories, well last month actually - the place i worked (ahem!) for the last few years closed down and i got made redundant.

Free T1 internet access, regular sleeps on all shifts (if on nights you'd start at 11 be asleep for half past, get up at 6 have a shower and leave at 7 and the day was your own!), free workshop facility for home jobs, free printing, photocopying etc for the misuse's college course...
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 23:27, Reply)
Simply learning the number gets me by.
Damn firewalls...
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 23:27, Reply)

I have developed a number of tactics for appearing busy whilst actually achieving nothing. My favourite is wandering aimlessly between my office and other rooms in the building, wearing my labcoat and carrying random specimens or pieces of equipment.

When I'm too lazy even for that, going and sitting in a darkroom noone else ever uses listening to music and occasionally pretending to examine things under the microscope works well. I particularly like it since there's no phone extension in the room for people to annoy me on.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 23:24, Reply)
Data Entry
So mindnumbingly dull. I was doing it in a temp job for the police. The office staff there turned their noses down on data-entry clerks. I was typing up contact details of all the police in the area. Started reading Filth by Irvine Welsh and taking the book to work to read at lunchtime with its inoffensive cover.

After two weeks I'd had enough and started putting information like "Superintendent filth" and "Sergent bacon" into the system, not particularly through malice since I knew it wouldn't affect anyone I knew but got the sack later that day and felt relieved.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 23:23, Reply)
at college.

i have a dodgy stomach which sometimes causes me a lot of pain. obviously not as much as i tell the college.

at work. i work in a nursing home, and we have to go feed residents.

"why did you take so long?"

"so-and-so refused to eat"

"ok. well done for trying"

plus the fag room is upstairs, well away from the nurses and managment office.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 23:23, Reply)
Playing phone games in silent mode
whilst enthroned is a great one, but if I sit too long I get pins & needles and my legs go dead. Crawling back to my desk on all-fours is such a giveaway....

Many years ago I worked with just one other guy in a very small place run by a complete twunt who paid peanuts and expected miracles - but it just about paid the bills so I put up with it for a while. Anyhow, one afternoon twuntface was out sheepshagging or something, and we decided we'd had enough for one day, so we sloped off to the cinema where they were showing all three original Star Wars films back to back.
I guess fate was on the boss's side though, we came out all blurry-eyed some hours later to find some nobcheese had put a brick through the passenger window of the car and emptied the glove compartment. Serves me right for parking next to a building site I 'spose.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 23:05, Reply)
It's not skiving...
... I really can't walk.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 23:05, Reply)
I draw in class
and what i do is i hide a my paper under my binder when the teacher looks at me.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 23:00, Reply)
I KNEW it--I think I've been the manager of all of you some time or another.

...mutters I knew those fuckers were jerking me around...
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 22:53, Reply)
Morrisons Kiosk Girl
Ooooh i do that to! My favourite is to go "Stocktake" in the fag cupboard. Then claim i was cleaning it if im interupted or anything like that....
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 22:49, Reply)
well having left uni
i decided any ind of stress is a bad thing so work in a restaurant. for months aiming to be good i'd constantly stay behind the counter and work constanly, but always be asked/told to do someting else, and in my opinion this was alot of work. But for the past few months i have found i wander around aimlessly (maybe picking up a plate or 2 every 15-20 mins) for hours on end and not be bothered, even to the point of doing almost nothing some days, and on a really good day i get to add booze into my rounds.. woo
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 22:25, Reply)
beep-beepity-beep-beep, look at shelves with worried look
this is the way to keep yourself looking busy while doing nothing useful while working on a cigarette kiosk at morrisons.

our assistant manager seems to have the opinion of front end staff that if we're standing still, we're not working and are fair game for being stolen and made to face up stock.

so you press buttons on the tills while looking slightly worried (a favourite is looking for barcodes that start with my phone number), or print off reports from the lottery machine and scrutinise them closely, marking the lines off with a pen.

another good one is having a damn good look at every single label on the shelves. this makes it look like you really give a toss about your job, whereas you are in fact fantasising about a job that doesn't resemble hell so closely.

gargh. I hear sainsburys are hiring.

/EDIT StrangeKristine - I'm a BOY. Called ROB. whatever made you think I was a girl?
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 22:21, Reply)
is one big drunken skive/doss
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 22:19, Reply)
I hardly did any work for weeks while i made this website. Quite frankly I have no idea why I haven't been sacked yet.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 22:16, Reply)
Yup, I do the toilet nap thing as well.
Except I can only really nap for about 10 minutes max, as the only toilet in the cafe where I work is right next to the kitchen...
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 22:00, Reply)
I grab a few pieces of paper
as if I'm off to send a fax or whatever, then wander to the loos, pop the toilet seat down, sit down, and nap for up to half an hour. Then return to my desk, looking mildly annoyed and complaining about the fax machine/photocopier. With any luck, a colleague will offer me a cup of tea, and it's become the most productive part of my day.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 21:44, Reply)
I used to temp in the mental health ward of a hospital
as an admin monkey. The woman i was covering for had obviously taken the opportunity to let all her filing pile up so that i would do it for her while she was on a month long holiday.

Being a mental health ward, the filing room had to be kept shut and had a pin-code lock on it, and a key, and an alarm so i damn well heard anybody coming in and had plenty of time to look busy.

There were actually three mental health wards of varying levels of security, and a lot of the patients got transferred between the three depending on who had attacked who/escaped and got arrested/tried to commit suicide that day. As a result, a lot of the files were often missing from the file room.

The result of all of this is that i used to spend hours in the filing room sitting on the shelf ladder reading patients' clinical notes - it was fascinating stuff. If anybody came in I would just look all innocent and complain how the doctors never put the folders back (thus explaining why I hadn't filed anything). The sweet old lady supervising me would laugh and agree and say i was very hard working and make me a cup of tea, as i'd been in that horrible stuffy room all afternoon and deserved a break.

Tee hee.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 21:39, Reply)

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